Donny's Diary

Dear Diary,

What a tremendous day! Just another day in the fabulous life of Donny. Everybody’s talking about it: the 'TACO trade.' What a YUGE problem! They say I backtrack on my tariffs—fake news, folks! I don’t even eat tacos, just the best steaks! So, during a press conference, I was as... Read More

Dear Diary, today was another BIG day! The Trump administration is making waves, folks! You won't believe this! We told Harvard—yes, Harvard—to CUT their terrible contracts! That's right, we're taking a stand against racial discrimination and not protecting our fantastic Jewish students. They sho... Read More

Dear Diary, wow, what a day it’s been! First, I delivered my Memorial Day speech at the beautiful Arlington National Cemetery. People were talking about it everywhere, and not just because I mentioned how I’m the greatest president. Can you believe the audacity? I honored our fallen soldiers and... Read More

Dear Diary, it’s been a wild, WILD ride today. Really BIG moves, folks, trust me. First off, a little portrait of Obama—a total nobody by the way—disappears from some government building. People are saying I did it out of spite. Well, they’re right! Who needs reminders of the past when we’re buil... Read More

Dear Diary, What a fantastic day it has been! I proposed an AMAZING birthday party for our great U.S. Army, featuring FIVE top-of-the-line Abrams tanks. Incredible, right? Folks, it’s all about power and prestige. Maybe the Democrats think we should honor our heroes with cupcakes instead... Read More