Donny's Diary

Dear Diary, it’s been a wild, WILD ride today. Really BIG moves, folks, trust me. First off, a little portrait of Obama—a total nobody by the way—disappears from some government building. People are saying I did it out of spite. Well, they’re right! Who needs reminders of the past when we’re building a glorious future? They’ll be talking about my statues soon enough!

Then there’s Kristi Noem, my favorite ‘Ice Barbie’. She totally flubbed explaining ‘habeas corpus’—can you believe it? Classic! I mean, who even reads those dusty old Constitution books anyway?

And let’s talk about the ‘Golden Dome’! Yes, that’s right, a missile defense system, but also GOLDEN! Because, of course, everything I do is fabulous and luxurious. This thing’s gonna cost a fortune, but don’t worry, we’ll make sure Musk gets his cut! All the wealthy folks are loving it!

Finally, the ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ is gearing up, and it’s THRILLING! Tax breaks for the rich, and of course some sneaky little provisions to keep those pesky courts in check. Only I, Donald J. Trump, could pull off such a masterpiece. The Democrats? They’re crying! It’s gonna be HUGE! Keep America GREAT!