Day 226: A Festival of Flops: Donny's Dance with Democracy and Disdain

Epstein: The Scandal That Won’t Go Quietly (No Matter How Much Donny Wants It To)

Back in July, House Speaker Mike Johnson — ever the dutiful courtier to his orange king — sent lawmakers home early for summer recess. The timing wasn’t subtle: get everyone out of town fast enough, maybe the whole Epstein problem would magically disappear by September.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

Congress is back, and so is the Epstein scandal — louder, messier, and still clinging to Donny like a bad spray tan. Despite a month-long pause, victims are now on Capitol Hill meeting with lawmakers, demanding answers. No amount of vacation time could wash away the stench of Epstein’s crimes or the questions about who enabled him.

Republican Rep. Thomas Massie has already dropped a legislative grenade in the form of a discharge petition to force a vote on releasing Epstein’s investigative files. It needs 218 signatures to succeed, which means plenty of Democrats and (if they can locate their spines) a few Republicans. Even if it clears the House, the question becomes whether Senate Majority Leader John Thune will allow it to be considered — or quietly smother it before it reaches daylight.

Meanwhile, Donny’s team is doing its best impression of a child covering their ears and screaming “LA LA LA” in hopes that people will stop asking why Epstein’s name keeps circling back to the same powerful crowd — including the guy currently sitting in the Oval Office.

The strategy of “send everyone home and hope people forget” has backfired. The Epstein scandal isn’t fading; it’s metastasizing. And Donny, who once gleefully amplified conspiracy theories about Epstein’s death, now finds himself on the wrong side of the conspiracy wall — the one plastered with photos, timelines, and strings of red yarn pointing in his direction.

California Adds ICE to the Emergency Drill Roster

California schools may soon have a new kind of emergency alert: “This is not a fire drill — it’s ICE in the parking lot.”

The state just passed the Safe Act, requiring K-12 schools, universities, and community colleges to issue campus-wide alerts whenever immigration agents show up to campus. Because nothing says “back-to-school” like a push notification about deportation squads.

Senator Sasha Renée Pérez compared the alerts to existing systems for earthquakes, lockdowns, or active shooters. Translation: America’s syllabus now reads — Earthquake. Shooter. ICE raid.

If Governor Gavin Newsom signs it by October 12, the law takes effect immediately and runs through 2031. But here’s the telling bit: this isn’t about trusting Washington to keep families safe. Quite the opposite. California is openly acknowledging what everyone knows — you don’t depend on Donny’s government anymore, you protect yourself from it.

This is where we are in 2025: states aren’t building defenses against foreign adversaries, they’re installing warning systems against their own president’s stormtroopers. Donny wanted “law and order”? What he’s delivered is lockdown drills with bonus deportations.

Of course, Donny will likely call it “treason.” Because in his world, warning children before they’re ripped from their parents is the real crime. Other states will be watching closely — partly to see if the Safe Act actually works, and partly to see if Donny tries to cancel California again like it’s a Netflix series with bad ratings.

For now, California is doing the job the federal government refuses to: treating students like people, not political targets

Donny’s “You’re Fired” Presidency Meets Reality Check

A federal appeals court just told Donny that “You’re fired” is not, in fact, a constitutional amendment. In a 2–1 ruling, the court reinstated FTC Commissioner Rebecca Slaughter, reminding the self-proclaimed dealmaker that nearly a century of precedent says presidents can’t just bin independent regulators because they feel like it.

Slaughter, booted by Donny earlier this year for the crime of protecting consumers, gets her job back. She said she’s eager to resume her duties. Translation: “Sorry Don, I’ll be busy fighting monopolies while you play Monopoly with real companies.”

The White House didn’t comment — which is Washington-speak for “How do you spin ‘the courts told us to stop acting like a banana republic’?”

Why did Donny want her gone? Because the FTC exists to protect consumers and promote competition — two concepts that might as well be listed under “Things Donny Hates” right next to vegetables and exercise.

This whole fiasco is part of a broader pattern: if an agency is independent, Donny wants to make it dependent. If it resists, he calls it the deep state. The courts, for now, are the only thing standing between us and his vision of a government run like one of his casinos — rigged, corrupt, and eventually bankrupt.

The appeals court decision is a rare win for the rule of law over the rule of Don. And nearly 100 years of precedent has held up — which, in Trump math, is at least 99 years too long.

Donny’s Illegal Army: Court Tells Him He’s Not King (Again)

Turns out, The Don’s little summer project of turning Los Angeles into his personal war zone wasn’t just authoritarian cosplay — it was flat-out illegal.

On Tuesday, federal Judge Charles Breyer ruled that Donny violated federal law when he deployed thousands of National Guard troops to accompany immigration raids in LA. In his order, Breyer didn’t mince words, warning that Trump’s antics were creating the equivalent of a “national police force with the president as its chief.” You know, like every dictator Donny secretly doodles in his Mar-a-Lago dream journal.

California Governor Gavin Newsom called it a win for democracy, reminding Donny that “no president is a king — not even Trump.” On social media, Newsom went full troll, posting in all caps: “DONALD TRUMP LOSES AGAIN.” Somewhere in the Oval Office, Donny is probably throwing ketchup at the gold drapes.

The White House, of course, cried foul, branding the judge a “rogue” trying to “usurp” Donny's authority. Translation: someone told Donny that the Constitution still applies, and he didn’t like it. Spokesperson Anna Kelly even claimed Donny had “saved Los Angeles” from “deranged leftist lunatics.” Right. Nothing says “rescue mission” like pointing M4 rifles at your own citizens.

Let’s be clear: this wasn’t “law and order.” It was a dress rehearsal for authoritarian rule, and the courts just slammed the door — at least for now. Donny will appeal, because he always does. Losing in court is basically his cardio.

For today, though, chalk one up for democracy. Donny’s dream of being “Commander-in-Chief of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once” has been ruled what it always was: illegal.