Donny's Dystopia - The Mad King
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Day 259: Tragedy on the High Seas: Donny's Delusions and Destruction

Sunday, 5 October 2025

Donny Navy Crop
Image Credit: AI

Obese Elderly Man, 79, Declares Himself Fittest Man Alive

So Donny finally reappeared—emerging from whatever gold-plated bunker he’s been sulking in—to grace the U.S. Navy with a truly unhinged sermon on the Church of Himself. It was billed as a celebration of the Navy’s 250th anniversary, but what the sailors got instead was a 45-minute-late monologue from a man whose relationship with reality is as seaworthy as a paper boat.

He started, naturally, with a boast about his health. According to Donny, his former doctor and current yes-man, Ronny “Shots for Brains” Jackson, once declared him the “healthiest president in history.” No word on whether Jackson said that before or after handing him a Diet Coke and a Sharpie.

Then came the classics: another ramble about how good he is at stairs (“You’ve got to be careful, I’m very good at walking down… slowly”), a weird brag about predicting Osama bin Laden (“I said it, I knew it, nobody listened!”), and some casual dehumanization for dessert—this time calling Democrats “gnats.” Because nothing says “Commander-in-Chief” like comparing half your country to insects.

This is now the third time Donny has fixated on stairs. Like previous obsessions such as with grass, Donny just latches on to something arbitrary and rambles incoherently about it to anyone forced to listen.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Donny event without Pete “Degenerate” Hegseth hovering around, possibly sober, definitely smug, and nodding like a dashboard bobblehead every time The Don muttered something vaguely patriotic sounding.

The whole thing played out like a parody of leadership: sunburnt sailors waiting for their late boss to show up and remind them that, in the end, everything—even the Navy’s 250th birthday—is about him.

No mention of the government shutdown, no nod to the sailors missing pay, just endless self-congratulation wrapped in gibberish. The only takeaway? Donny’s still obsessed with stairs, still terrified of aging, and still, somehow, the main character in his own tragic sitcom.


Man Desperate for Nobel Peace Prize Bombs More Venezuela Fishermen

Fresh off another self-congratulatory performance at the Navy’s 250th anniversary, The Don has now proclaimed triumph over the sea itself. According to our ever-reliable commander-in-bluster, the U.S. Navy has wiped the Caribbean clean of “narco-terrorist” boats—“There are no boats in the water anymore,” he bragged, as if Poseidon himself had surrendered to MAGA.

This latest round of maritime muscle-flexing comes after U.S. forces illegally struck yet another vessel off Venezuela’s coast, killing four alleged traffickers. The Don, never one to miss an opportunity to turn violence into a victory lap, declared the mission proof that his administration had “cleaned up the oceans” (a first, for any definition of “cleaned up”). And if the smugglers dare move their operations inland? “That’s not going to work out well for them either,” he warned, presumably between golf swings.

Even the United Nations wasn’t impressed, condemning the strikes as violations of international law. But The Don brushed that off, insisting the targets were “narco-terrorists” aligned with Venezuela’s Nicolás Maduro. Because in Donny’s world, anyone who defies him—be it a socialist government, a boat, or a gust of wind—is fair game.

Defense Secretary and degenerate Pete Hegseth dutifully cheered the attacks as part of America’s “new doctrine of decisive strength.” Translation: shoot first, explain later.

It’s the same old Trumpian formula—declare a war no one asked for, claim absolute victory, and threaten escalation before the applause stops. Four boats sunk and an international outcry later, The Don is still performing his favorite trick: mistaking recklessness for strength.

“There are no boats in the water anymore,” he said proudly. Which of course - is provably false.