Day 207: Chaos and Legal Shenanigans: The Trump Saga

Donny: 'Putin won't Mess Around with Me'

Ahead of meeting a wanted war criminal on US soil, Donny has been clear that he's not going to take any shit from Putin this time around. I mean he's been completely out played at every other meeting, so this time he's ready:

Remember that quote, as I've a feeling we'll be revisiting that in a few days.

Donny is sure to be on his A-game for this meeting, none of the demented old non-sensical rambling we've seen several times this week already.

In Donny's mind, he no doubt believes that Putin respects him, when nothing could be further from the truth. Donny is an international laughing stock, America's position on the world stage has never been less respected or weaker. And we owe all of this to Donny's keen leadership

Here's how to the two world leaders match up:

Name

Donny

Age

79

IQ

56

Qualifications

Ex-Gameshow Host/Multiple Failed Businesses/34 Times convicted Felon/Golf Cheat

Psychopath Level

10/10

Name

Vlad Putin

Age

72

IQ

120

Qualifications

Ex KGB/Master Manipulator/Judo Blackbelt

Psychopath Level

10/10

I think I know who I'd put money on having the upper hand.

Melania Trump demands retraction from Hunter Biden over Epstein comments

Melania Trump is suddenly in a rush to play defamation cop. The First Lady has sent a very stern letter to Hunter Biden demanding he retract comments linking her to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein — and she’s threatening legal action and a $1 billion defamation lawsuit if he doesn’t.

Hunter’s response? A smirk and a shrug: “Fuck that! That’s not going to happen,” Hunter laughed during a new interview with British journalist Andrew Callaghan. He’s openly welcomed the fight, clearly confident that Melania’s bluster is as hollow as one of Donny’s gold-plated elevator speeches.

It’s an interesting hill for Melania to die on. This isn’t exactly a woman who’s been front-and-center in the political brawls of the last few years. She’s made a career of keeping her head down, saying little, and retreating to whatever Versailles-adjacent wing of Mar-a-Lago she currently haunts. But this? This she’s prepared to go to war over.

And here’s the kicker: for someone who supposedly wants nothing to do with the Epstein scandal, she’s now splashing her own name into the same headlines she claims are so damaging. It’s PR judo — but the kind where you flip yourself straight onto your own back.

Let’s be real: there’s a reason the Epstein files are political kryptonite for Donny & Co. The White House is already flailing under the weight of unanswered questions, suspicious meetings, and a growing list of “coincidences” involving Donny’s social calendar and Epstein’s private playground. Every time the Trump crew tries to shove the story down the memory hole, some new detail or wild overreaction yanks it right back into the spotlight.

So, Melania’s threat might not be the tidy clean-up operation she imagines. More likely, it’s just going to keep the cameras rolling, the questions coming, and the public wondering — why so defensive?

Donny's name is all over the Epstein files

Cold-called Norwegian finance minister to discuss Nobel Peace Prize nomination

Donny’s desperate for a Nobel Peace Prize. So desperate, in fact, that he reportedly cold-called Norway’s finance minister, Jens Stoltenberg last month, to make his case for a nomination — because, of course, nothing says “world peace” quite like harassing a foreign official out of the blue for personal glory.

This wasn’t a diplomatic outreach, it was a beg. An unsolicited, awkward, and utterly self-serving plea that makes you wonder if Donny’s confusing the Nobel Committee with the Mar-a-Lago membership board.

You can just picture it:

Donny: “Hi Jens, it’s Donny here — President of the United States, the best president, everybody says so.”

Jens: “Oh… right. What can I do for you?”

Donny: “Well, it’s very unfair I haven’t won a Nobel Peace Prize yet. I’ve done more for peace than anyone, probably in history. I think you should nominate me. It’d be great for you too. Tremendous for Norway.”

Jens: “Er thanks, yeah I'll consider that.”

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about diplomacy, policy, or international goodwill. This is about Donny’s addiction to shiny trophies and adoration — and when he doesn’t get them, he goes sniffing around for back channels and back pats.

And here’s the irony: the more he chases the Nobel like a toddler after a dropped ice cream, the less likely he’ll ever get it. You don’t ask for a Nobel Peace Prize — and you certainly don’t strong-arm foreign ministers for one. Then again, Donny’s never been big on understanding the rules before he breaks them.

Donny is a pathetic man child. Perhaps he thinks winning this prize will distract from the fact his name is all over the Epstein files.

Donny Claims to have Solved Six Wars in Six Months

Still nursing his decades-long obsession with getting a Nobel Peace Prize — that shiny bauble he thinks will cement his “legacy” — Donny "Tiny Hands" Trump is now claiming he’s personally ended six wars in six months. Yes, you read that right. Six. In half a year. And, naturally, without a shred of evidence.

According to Politico, this is all part of Donny’s latest PR blitz — a self-mythologizing campaign to paint himself as the world’s greatest dealmaker and peacemaker. In reality, it’s the diplomatic equivalent of him claiming he’s the best golfer on Earth while getting caught cheating every single time he plays.

The absurdity of it all is staggering. Real peace processes involve months — often years — of negotiations, multilateral agreements, and actual diplomacy. Donny’s version? Declare victory, take credit for work he didn’t do, and move on to the next made-up achievement. It’s a strategy ripped straight from the autocrat’s playbook: repeat the lie often enough and hope people forget to check if it’s true.

The truth? None of these “six wars” were resolved because of Donny. In some cases, they weren’t even wars in the first place — just regional disputes or ceasefires he’s trying to hitch his name to. But in Donny’s mind, that’s good enough for a Nobel nomination, never mind that the only global consensus on him is that he’s a walking diplomatic disaster.

JD Vance Refused Meal in Cotswolds Pub

JD Vance is despised around the globe. There's nothing likeable about him. Everywhere he goes he faces protests.

He's been in office only since January and his list of destinations in that time includes Italy, India, Vermont, Greenland, Disneyland, and Nantucket. Many of those were “official trips” and in each case he's been met with some level of protest.

He's so unpopular, that on his latest holiday to the Costwolds in the UK, he's been met with yet more protests and signs telling him he's not welcome.

JD Vance's attempt to dine at The Bull pub in Charlbury was thwarted when staff threatened to strike if he was allowed entry.

This is how it needs to be - Fuck You Vance, you can take your fascist hamster cheek face and shove it up your own ass.

Governor Gavin Newsom Keeps Stepping Up

Governor Gavin Newsom, never one to shy away from a brawl with Donny, announced that California will push forward with a partisan redistricting strategy designed to counter the GOP’s shameless gerrymandering in Texas. The move comes ahead of the 2026 midterms, and Newsom’s message was crystal clear: If Republicans are going to rig the system, Democrats won’t sit quietly and watch.

Standing at the podium, Newsom declared: “Today is liberation day in the state of California” — a deliberate swipe at Donny, who once used the same phrase to describe his tariff tantrums against foreign countries. It was political trolling with a purpose.

This is just the latest flashpoint in a feud that’s been simmering for years. Donny has repeatedly tried to strong-arm Democrat-led states into submission — from immigration crackdowns to threats of funding cuts — and Newsom has consistently been one of his loudest and most effective opponents. The two men despise each other, and it shows.

But the stakes here are bigger than personal animosity. Donny's allies in Texas have been carving up districts with the precision of a butcher, targeting Democratic strongholds to dilute their voting power. Newsom’s counterpunch? Use California’s size, population, and political muscle to redraw the map in ways that protect Democratic representation and blunt the MAGA gerrymander machine.

Newsom is both smarter and more resourceful. In other words: Donny, you wanted a war over the electoral map? Gavin just brought the heavy artillery.