Day 208: The Political Circus: Putin’s Puppet and Vance’s Waterworks

Donny and Putin: Donny Walks Away Empty Handed (His hands are too small)

Remember how Donny promised he’d have the war in Ukraine solved in 24 hours? Well, here we are on Day 208 and — surprise, surprise — the war is still very much raging. The “ultimate dealmaker” is once again proving that his deals are as fake as his spray tan.

This time, Donny staged a “summit” in Anchorage, Alaska, because it’s one of the only places Putin can safely show his face without risking arrest as a wanted war criminal.

The US, breaking international norms as it now so frequently does, rolled out a red carpet for the war criminal's arrival. Donny stood there gormless like an obedient lapdog before whisking Vlad away in a limo.

Yes, Donny and Vlad shared a ride together — conveniently away from cameras and microphones. Off-the-record, no transparency, no accountability. You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to see the corruption written all over that. What was promised? What was traded? What does Donny owe Putin now? We’ll never know, because the whole thing was deliberately hidden from public view.

The meeting dragged on for nearly three hours, and what did it produce? Absolutely nothing. No agreements, no ceasefire, not even a framework. Donny’s big strategy? Throw his hands up and dump responsibility back onto Zelenskyy: “It’s really up to Ukraine now.” Translation: Donny got played, again.

But of course, Putin got exactly what he wanted. He repeated his tired line that the war would never have started if Trump had won in 2020 — and Donny, like the deferential lapdog he’s always been around Vlad, nodded along and praised him. It was Helsinki 2.0: Trump once again siding with Putin’s narrative over reality, just like when he infamously took Putin’s word over U.S. intelligence agencies back in 2018. Different stage, same humiliation.

The press conference wrapped up in the most predictable way possible: abruptly, without a single question taken. Because when you have nothing to show and nothing to say, you run for the exit.

This wasn’t diplomacy; it was pure political theater. Putin walked away looking like the statesman pulling the strings, while Donny left looking weak, humiliated, and compromised — yet again. The only “deal” made in Anchorage was Donny selling out American credibility for another photo op with his Russian handler.

From Rome to the Little Miami: The Vance Family’s World Tour of Entitlement

In a move that really captures the essence of “public service” in the Trump-Vance era, the Secret Service reportedly cranked up the outflow from Ohio’s Caesar Creek Lake so Vice President JD Vance’s birthday kayaking trip on the Little Miami River could be extra smooth. Because God forbid the second-most powerful man in the country encounter — heaven help us — a ripple.

Of course, this was all labeled “standard procedure,” and we’re told Vance himself had no idea. Sure. Because when the federal government fiddles with public waterways for your birthday outing, it’s perfectly normal not to ask how your river suddenly transformed into a lazy lagoon ride at Disney.

Critics, including former White House ethics lawyer Richard W. Painter, have dared to suggest that maybe, just maybe, spending taxpayer money to turn a vice president’s kayak trip into a luxury spa treatment is inappropriate during times of budget constraints. But why worry about millions in public resources when you’re “serving the people”? After all, nothing screams fiscal responsibility like reengineering an entire river so JD Vance can celebrate another year around the sun.

The Ohio Department of Natural Resources also played its part — supplying officers, oversight, and resources to keep everything running smoothly. Because, let’s face it, nothing says “birthday bash” like a taxpayer-funded flotilla.

But the party didn’t end in Ohio. Senator Adam Schiff — clearly unfamiliar with the new rules of governance — had the gall to demand answers. He wants to know if altering a public water system for the private leisure of a vice president is documented, justified, or, in any world, appropriate. How dare he?! Doesn’t he understand that in this administration, taxpayer resources aren’t a public trust, but a perk package for the ruling class?

And let’s not pretend this is a one-off indulgence. The Vance family’s taste for publicly subsidized extravagance has already gone global. The Colosseum in Rome? Shut down so JD’s wife and kids could enjoy a private tour, as if history itself should bow before them. The Taj Mahal? Closed to visitors while the Vances had their own personal photo-op, turning one of the world’s wonders into just another backdrop for their family scrapbook.

It’s heartwarming, really. At a time when Americans are told to “tighten their belts” and sacrifice for the greater good, our leaders are out here living the dream on the taxpayer’s dime. Who needs ethics when you can have entire rivers, monuments, and world heritage sites cleared for your convenience?