Donny’s Trade Tantrum: Tariffs for Everyone!
Because nothing screams “stable genius” like pissing off 69 countries at once, Donny’s back on his tariff bender, this time signing an executive order to slap fresh import taxes on nearly every major U.S. trading partner.
Starting August 7, Australia and the UK get the “polite” 10% rate, but others are staring down the barrel of more. The reason? Donny says they’re not being “reciprocal enough.” Which, in Trump-speak, means they didn’t flatter him or buy enough American stuff last quarter.
Forget global diplomacy or coherent trade strategy, this is economic policy by mood swing. And sure, prices may go up, and U.S. exporters might suffer, but Donny got to look tough on camera, so it’s all worth it, right?
At this point, we should just start measuring foreign policy in tantrums per tweet.
Dont' worry - the market is betting on a TACO outcome.
Donny Considers a Pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell—Because of Course He Does
Analysis of Trump's Potential Pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell
Assault on Democracy Authoritarian RiskRationale
This action suggests a politicization of clemency and highlights selective justice, where powerful individuals may be shielded from accountability. It reflects a broader pattern where the rule of law is undermined by favoritism, which can erode public trust in judicial integrity.
Just when you thought Donny couldn't possibly scrape any deeper into the barrel of moral bankruptcy, he whips out a fresh shovel.
This week, Trump—ever the champion of the “law and order” he applies exclusively to poor people and political enemies—hinted that he might possibly pardon none other than Ghislaine Maxwell. Yes, that Ghislaine Maxwell: Epstein’s longtime accomplice in trafficking minors and a woman currently doing a well-deserved 20-year stint in prison for it.
When asked about the potential pardon, Donny’s response was essentially a shrug in a red tie: “I’m allowed to”—because, apparently, that’s all the justification he needs to contemplate clemency for a convicted child sex trafficker. No moral compass, no political sense—just vibes.
Meanwhile, the family of Virginia Giuffre, a prominent Epstein survivor who tragically died by suicide, issued a blistering statement calling any leniency for Maxwell “one of the highest travesties of justice.” But hey, when has public decency ever stood in Donny’s way?
The Giuffres were refreshingly direct: Maxwell is a “monster” who should “rot in prison,” not flirt with freedom via a presidential whim. But alas, Donny’s track record on justice is less “defender of the innocent” and more “protector of the powerful—especially the ones with shady secrets.”
So here we are. One of the most grotesque cases of abuse in modern memory, and Donny’s biggest concern? Whether he could pardon someone complicit in it. Not whether he should. Because when you're Donny, it's never about what's right—just what’s possible.