Day 206: The GOP Circus: Donny Rants About Grass, Whilst the GOP Line Up to Endorse the Madness

Republicans to Donny: How High Should I Jump?

It’s tough being in the GOP these days. When Donny says white is black, then by God, white is black. If Donny says tariffs are paid by exporters, then you’d better start pretending you learned that in Econ 101. And when Donny declares Washington, D.C. is a lawless hellscape — worse than anywhere on Earth — well, you’ve got to start spinning yarns about roving gangs and post-apocalyptic streets, facts be damned.

It must be exhausting having to nod along with this crap, pretending reality is whatever Dear Leader just farted out on Truth Social, all to keep your place in the MAGA petting zoo.

Donny’s latest fever dream paints D.C. as something between Gotham City and a zombie outbreak — where you can’t walk five feet without being mugged, assaulted, or worse. And right on cue, Republicans are lining up at the mic, clutching their pearls and telling breathless horror stories like they’re auditioning for a bad Netflix true-crime series.

First up, we have MAGA Republican Tim Burchett claiming he sleeps in his office to avoid wandering the streets at night. This contradicts his own version of why he does this only earlier in the year, when he claimed it helped him get up early for meetings.

Republican Senator, Markwayne Mullin doesn't wear a seatbelt when driving in Washington DC so he can "act more swiftly" if he gets carjacked.

Cretin and social media influencer Charlie Kirk doesn't think the police takeover goes far enough. Because only a full military takeover will solve this degree of lawlessness we're seeing.

Senator Roger Marshall said he would vote for extending Donny's power grab:

Does anyone in the GOP have a spine? It's an epidemic of soul selling, sycophant bastards who all appear to have had their spines surgically removed.

Truth, evidence, actual crime data? Please. That’s for losers. In Donny’s GOP, the only crime is contradicting the narrative.

Rambling Old Man Rants Incoherently About Grass

Donny's dementia is becoming more obvious by the day. On Monday, Donny had an 80 minute ramble about imaginary crime sprees, cleaning the steps outside your house, and some incoherent drivel about 'medians' falling down in the road.

Today, Donny turned the annual DC arts celebration into another monument to himself and hogging the limelight.

Donny claimed he didn’t really want to take on the job of hosting when his staff approached him.

“I said: ‘I’m the president of the United States! Are you fools, asking me to do that?’ ‘Sir, you’ll get much higher ratings.’ I said: ‘I don’t care, I’m president of the United States. I won’t do it.’”

But then, Donny continued, his chief of staff, Susie Wiles, intervened. “I said, OK, Susie, I’ll do it. That’s the power she’s got. So I have agreed to … They’re going to say: ‘He insisted.’ I did not insist but I think it will be quite successful actually. It’s been a long time. I used to host The Apprentice finales and we did rather well with that.”

Yeah so that obviously just didn't happen at all. Donny clearly did insist that he host it, probably contrary to the appeals of his enablers.

As if that weren't bad enough, when naming his honourees, Donny digressed as he often does on a pointless story about Grass. And it was pure drivel, along with the usual brag:

Here's what he said in full:

"We’re going to be redoing the parks, redoing the grass. You know, grass is a lifetime like people have a lifetime. And a lifetime of this grass has long been gone when you look at the parks where the grass is all tired, exhausted.

We’re going to redo the grass with the finest grasses. I know a lot about grass because I own a lot of golf courses. And if you don’t have good grass, you’re not in business very long, Lindsey Graham. By the way, you have very good poll numbers, Lindsey. I just saw congratulations."

I mean what the fuck? It's just senseless chatter about grass and then some disconnected thoughts about Lindsey Graham.

Surely no one can make sense of this? If Biden had made these comments it'd have been an endless news cycle. When King Donny does it, no one says anything.

Watch the insanity for yourself here:

I ask again, can anyone in the media standup and ask him "What the fuck are you talking about?".

Just once.