Day 190: Donny’s Grand Tour of Insecurity: Insults, Lawsuits, and Healthcare Hijinks

Donny Throws Another Tantrum on Foreign Soil — This Time at the Mayor of London

Because nothing says “statesman” like flying to another country and insulting their elected officials, Donny took to the podium at Turnberry to deliver his latest international meltdown.

In between rounds of cheating at golf and threatening the EU, Donny found time to take a swipe at London Mayor Sadiq Khan, calling him a “nasty person” and whining that he’s done a “terrible job.”

Cue UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer, who clearly hadn’t planned on having to babysit an orange hurricane this week, quickly stepping in to defend Khan and remind Donny that British politics isn’t a sideshow in his campaign of petty vendettas.

Apparently, Turnberry wasn’t big enough to contain Donny’s fragile ego, so now he’s lobbing insults across the UK while pretending to negotiate trade deals and ignoring the Epstein scandal everyone is still talking about.

The only “terrible job” here, Donny, is the one you’re doing pretending to be a president.

Donny Wants to Depose Rupert Murdoch — Before He Dies or Something

In the latest twist of Donny’s increasingly unhinged legal slap-fest, Trump is now begging a federal court to let him grill Rupert Murdoch ASAP — not because he's in a hurry for the truth, but because Murdoch might not live long enough to testify.

Apparently Donny’s lawyers are suddenly deeply concerned for Rupert’s health, citing his age (94) and vague "multiple health issues" as reason to fast-track a deposition within 15 days. You know, before the Grim Reaper intervenes and ruins Donny's $10 billion grudge match against the Wall Street Journal.

This all stems from the Journal’s explosive reporting that Donny allegedly sent Epstein a bawdy birthday sketch in a leather-bound book lovingly compiled by Ghislaine Maxwell. Naturally, Donny denies it, because the idea of him scribbling something creepy for his sex criminal best buddy Jeff is just too on brand.

So, just to recap:

Donny sues for $10 billion,

He claims the Epstein birthday book is fake,

But also, he’s suddenly really worried Rupert Murdoch might kick the bucket before he can explain how this all got published.

We can’t make this stuff up.

Donny's Attemptes to Defund Planned Parenthood Blocked by Judge

Just when you thought Donny couldn't embarrass himself any further, he tried to axe Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood, the organization that provides healthcare to millions of Americans — men, women, nonbinary folks, you name it.

The goal? Punish Planned Parenthood for daring to exist, under the tired old MAGA banner of “family values”, aka whatever Donny’s base thinks will play well on talk radio.

Unfortunately for Donny (and fortunately for everyone else), Judge Indira Talwani wasn’t about to let it slide. On Monday, she ruled that the Trump administration cannot yank Medicaid reimbursements, keeping the lights on for patients who depend on Planned Parenthood for everything from STI testing to cancer screenings to actual facts about their own bodies.

If Donny’s plan had gone through? Over a million people, real human beings, would have lost access to essential care. But thanks to the courts, the Constitution briefly did its job.

So chalk up another legal loss for the pettiest man in politics. He can try to spin it however he wants — but the message from the bench is loud and clear:

Healthcare is not a political punching bag.

And Planned Parenthood isn’t going anywhere. Until it reaches the Supreme Court and they immediately side with King Donny.