Donny Caught (Again) Cheating at Golf, Because of Course He Was
In what might be the least surprising news since “Donny blames Obama”, a new video has surfaced showing President Donny doing what he does best: cheating and pretending he didn’t.
While out on the lush greens of Trump Turnberry, the same Scottish golf course currently serving as a glorified photoshoot for his ego, Donny’s caddie was caught on video casually placing a golf ball in a much better spot while the big guy wasn’t looking (or, more likely, was pretending not to look).
Was the ball unplayable? Did Donny take a penalty stroke? Please. This is the self-declared “Best Golfer to Ever Walk the Earth” we’re talking about. The man who once claimed to win club championships he didn’t even attend.
Widespread accusations of cheating have followed, naturally. But hey, if he cheats at golf, why wouldn’t he cheat at democracy, taxes, marriages, or… anything else?
Trump once called golf “a game of honor.” Turns out the only thing less believable than his handicap is his moral compass.
It's hard to put into words just how deeply pathetic you have to be for this charade to be the default. Everyone just pretending that you're the greatest golfer, and you know everyone else knows.
I can't imagine how MAGA spin this.
Donny Pauses Golf Cheating to Extort Europe into a “Deal”
Donny briefly put down the 9-iron (probably after kicking his ball out of a bunker) to welcome European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen to his Turnberry golf shrine, sorry, resort, for what was billed as “trade negotiations” but looked a lot like a hostage situation in tartan.
After months of sabre-rattling and threatening 30% tariffs on EU goods, Donny magnanimously agreed to “just” a 15% import tariff, how generous of him. It’s the kind of diplomacy that screams: Nice economy you’ve got there, shame if something happened to it.
But wait, there’s more!
In this latest “deal” (or shakedown, depending on your point of view), the EU has apparently agreed to:
- Invest $600 billion in the U.S.
- Buy more American energy
- Stock up on U.S. military hardware, presumably to protect themselves from future trade negotiations with Donny.
All this while Donny paraded around Turnberry, probably thinking he’d just reinvented NATO with a golf cart.
So, yes, mission accomplished. Donny got a photo op, a “deal” forged under duress, and probably shaved five strokes off his golf score. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering if the art of the deal now includes brinkmanship and blackmail in a clubhouse.