Tremendous Days: Trade Wars, Tantrums, and a Yuge Family Favoritism
6 May 2025
Dear Diary, wow—what a day! I’m going to tell you just how GREAT things are, folks! First, I made a HUGE announcement: we don’t need stupid trade deals! Can you believe it? The markets didn’t like that, but who cares? The Dow dropped, but I say it's just the liberals trying to mess with my genius. Just like their pathetic response to my economic miracles!
Then, I had a meeting with that Prime Minister of Canada. I said, 'Hey Mark, why not make Canada the 51st state?' He laughed, saying, 'Not for sale!' Can you believe the audacity? I told him, 'Never say never!' This is why we can’t have nice things with these democrats!
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court did something RIGHT for a change, reinstating my fantastic transgender military ban! Nobody wants distractions in our military—just WINNING! These judges are smart, even though the three liberals are ALWAYS whining.
And in yet another stroke of brilliance, I appointed Andrew Giuliani to lead the 2026 FIFA World Cup Task Force. Critics said nepotism—it’s called 'making America great again,' folks! My buddy Rudy’s son is going to do a fabulous job!
And then, some judges ruled that I shouldn’t use the Alien Enemies Act. Boring! Crazy judges don’t understand that I’m just doing what’s best for America. These weaklings don’t know how to keep our country STRONG!
The fake news doesn’t cover my tremendous work—Sad! But I’ll continue to win so much that they’ll be begging for a break!
Democrats are a joke, they can’t stand how I’m making everything HUGE! Remember, folks, if it’s not TRUMP-approved, it’s just NOT GOOD!
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