Donny's Diary

Dear Diary, WOW! What a day! I signed some HUGE executive orders today, folks. We're talking about taking on those snooty colleges and their ridiculous DEI nonsense. Why should they get federal funding if they're NOT following the rules? They'll have to disclose those foreign ties or ELSE! Harvard? Watch out, I've got my eye on you!

Also, I might just pick up the phone and call that Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell. Too many interest rates, not enough GOOD decisions. He needs to cut those rates FAST, folks—it's like they don't get it! They’re making a MISTAKE!

In other news, we had a little incident at Fort McCoy. First female commander? Suspended because someone dared to TURN MY PORTRAIT around! Can you believe it? Talk about a disrespectful move! These liberals just don’t understand military protocol and respect.

And can you believe I’m getting all the blame for the Ukraine-Russia drama? I said a peace deal is close, but Zelenskyy is just not playing ball! He won’t even budge on Crimea. It’s a tough negotiation—you have to have the best cards, and he just doesn’t!

Lastly, I hear my administration is shaking things up at NOAA, and some people say we’re not focusing on science anymore. Maybe they should pay attention to making America great again instead of whining. We’re doing fine work! Climate data? Disaster preparedness? They need to get with the program and stop looking for gloom and doom!

They (the Democrats) are ALWAYS losing while I'm winning. It’s a shame, really. Every decision I make is the best, and that’s what matters! Tune in for more greatness tomorrow!