Day 257: Evil Democrats, Super Bowl Shenanigans, and Power Plays

Ice Clown warns immigrants away from Super Bowl: 'We’ll be all over that place'

In a move that would make even Orwell blush, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has turned the Super Bowl into an extension of Trump’s immigration crackdown. Acting on orders from The Don himself, Ice Barbie warned immigrants not to attend the game unless they’re “law-abiding Americans,” because ICE agents will apparently be prowling the stands between the nachos and the beer vendors. Nothing says “freedom” quite like federal agents turning America’s biggest sporting event into a deportation carnival.

Bigot Babrie didn’t stop there. She also took aim at the NFL for daring to book Bad Bunny — a Puerto Rican artist, U.S. citizen, and frequent critic of Trump’s immigration policies — as the halftime performer. With the moral confidence of someone who’s never read the Constitution, Noem declared that the league would “not be able to sleep at night” after choosing him. One imagines NFL executives tossing and turning, haunted by the ghost of competent governance.

This latest stunt is pure Donny: weaponize a national event to stoke fear, smear opponents, and remind everyone who’s boss. It’s the Super Bowl, reimagined as an authoritarian photo op — the beer commercial of fascism. The White House clearly sees public spectacles not as unifying traditions but as battlegrounds in its endless culture war.

And the message is clear: dissent will be punished, even if it comes in the form of a reggaeton beat. Bad Bunny’s selection wasn’t just a booking decision; it was a trigger. The administration’s fury reveals how fragile it is — how allergic it’s become to art, criticism, or anything resembling joy.

So if you’re heading to the game, maybe pack your passport next to your foam finger. The Don wants you to know that even your halftime entertainment now falls under “national security.”

Day Three of the Shutdown: Donny’s Circus Rolls On

And on the third day, there was chaos. The government remains shuttered, hundreds of thousands of federal workers are in limbo, and The Don is still online posting like a teenager grounded from Fortnite.

The deadlock, is over healthcare — or, as Donny and his loyal sycophants prefer to call it, “socialism for the sick.” Democrats want expanded protections and funding; Republicans want to see how many people they can throw off their insurance before lunchtime. The Senate is expected to shuffle back for another round of performative voting, which, at this rate, will achieve little more than confirming that no one in Washington remembers how to govern.

White House Press Secretary and pathological liar Karoline Leavitt, never one to let empathy get in the way of a threat, announced that the administration might start cutting federal aid to “anarchist states” — code for any place that didn’t vote for Trump. “We will not fund states that allow anarchy,” she declared, while presumably standing in front of a government that had literally stopped functioning.

Senator Lisa Murkowski tried to inject a shred of sanity into the conversation, reminding the administration that America isn’t supposed to be a loyalty test. Naturally, her plea was ignored, because this White House runs on spite and memes, not unity.

Meanwhile, the administration is openly floating the idea of laying off federal workers — permanently — as leverage in its ongoing tantrum. Leavitt, channeling the compassion of a crocodile, told reporters, “Nobody takes joy in putting people out of work... but sometimes in government, you have to make the tough decisions.” Translation: we broke it, now we’re firing the janitors.

And because dysfunction never comes alone, the House canceled its upcoming votes — including one on releasing the full Jeffrey Epstein files. What a coincidence. Also delayed: the swearing-in of Adelita Grijalva, whose vote might have tipped the balance on that same issue.

So, to recap: the government is closed, paychecks are frozen, aid is being weaponized, and the Epstein files remain locked away — all while The Don’s team blames Democrats for not agreeing to a healthcare plan written on the back of a napkin.

If this is what “tough decisions” look like, the country might want to brace for what happens when they start making the easy ones.

Donny Declares Democrats Are Satan, Proves Projection Is Still His Strongest Skill

In his ongoing quest to outdo himself in the absurdity department, The Don has officially declared that the Democratic Party isn’t just wrong — it’s evil, hateful, and possibly in league with the prince of darkness himself. Yes, folks, the man who once tried to buy Greenland now believes he’s battling Lucifer from behind the Resolute Desk.

Of course, as with all things Donny - any accusation is just a confession. Any time he lashes out at someone he's simply projecting himself.

It’s classic Donny: when your presidency’s a tire fire, just scream “DEMONS!” and hope no one notices the smoke. With approval ratings sinking faster than a Trump-branded casino, he’s decided that exorcism is better than introspection. Forget inflation or healthcare — the real issue, apparently, is that Chuck Schumer might have horns.

This latest outburst isn’t politics; it’s performance art for the terminally gullible. The Don doesn’t debate opponents, he casts them as villains in his never-ending grievance pageant — a one-man show called “Why Everyone’s Mean to Me: The Presidency.” His base eats it up, of course, cheering every word as if he’s quoting scripture, not his own ego.

But beneath the theatrics lies something darker — a strategy as transparent as his spray tan. Demonize your enemies, divide the country, and make sure every criticism becomes proof of persecution. It’s political gaslighting at biblical scale, a revival tour for America’s most self-absorbed messiah complex.

The Don’s latest sermon of hate doesn’t just cheapen public discourse — it buries it six feet under and salts the earth for good measure. Once upon a time, presidents inspired; now ours just incites. It’s all grievance, no governance, all noise, no notes.

If this is the fight against evil, then Satan must be somewhere taking notes on branding.

Dozy Don Finally Admits He Knows What Project 2025 Is—Now He’s Running the Country by It

After a year of pretending he’d never even heard of Project 2025, Dozy Don has now proudly strapped it to the hood of his presidency like a trophy kill. In a post on his bargain-bin social app, he announced he’d be meeting with “Russ Vought, he of PROJECT 2025 Fame,” to decide which “Democrat Agencies” (his words, not reality’s) to cut — permanently, if possible.

Let’s pause for a second on the sheer gall of that sentence. The man who swore up and down during the 2024 campaign that he “had nothing to do with Project 2025, never read it, never saw it” is now holding Oval Office strategy sessions with its chief architect. The same Project 2025 that was so toxic, so cartoonishly authoritarian, that even his own campaign handlers told him to pretend it was a left-wing conspiracy theory.

Well, the mask is off. And in typical Donny fashion, he’s not just admitting it — he’s bragging about it.

The White House is now openly working from a playbook designed to hollow out the federal government, purge civil servants deemed “disloyal,” and hand more unchecked power to the executive. Vought’s “recommendations” reportedly include axing departments wholesale and kneecapping any agency that still remembers how to spell the word oversight.

This is the same man Donny now calls “of Project 2025 fame” — as if dismantling democracy were a résumé booster.

A year ago, Donny swore it was all fake news: “I have nothing to do with them.” Now he’s inviting the guy to lunch. It’s like watching a burglar deny knowing anything about the break-in — while standing in your living room, wearing your jewelry, and asking where you keep the rest of the silverware.

So here we are. The denials are gone, the playbook is open, and Donny’s finally doing in daylight what he used to do behind closed doors: governing by grudge, vengeance, and a fringe think tank’s fever dream of permanent power.

Project 2025 was never about policy — it was about control. And now, it’s running the White House.