Day 247: Escalator Scandals and National Monuments: A Clown Show Extravaganza

Donny’s Escalatorgate: A Slow Descent Into Paranoia

Only The Don could turn a minor mechanical hiccup into a full-blown conspiracy. As Donny made his grand entrance at the UN General Assembly, the escalator froze mid-glide, forcing America’s self-styled Sun King to endure the indignity of… walking up the steps. A tragedy for the ages.

Naturally, the White House reacted with all the subtlety of a WWE promo. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt floated the idea that UN staff had sabotaged the escalator in a dastardly plot to humiliate His Royal Fragility. “If it was intentional,” she warned, “there will be accountability.” Yes—heads may roll over the crime of pressing the “stop” button.

Fox news took things a step further, and, I kid you not, suggested bombing the UN over the incident. Perspective anyone? They've now entered the territory of casually discussing putting down homeless people and bombing the UN because an escalator stalled. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Donny, for his part, in what is by comparison a more measured response, has demanded that the culprits be arrested. Donny was suggesting it was actually a series of events designed to deliberately sabotage him.

Though clearly this is still utterly insane. Just because the obese old man had to walk up a few steps this is hardly a fucking crime.

Reality vs. Royal Fantasy

The UN, meanwhile, had a more boring explanation: someone ahead of Donny accidentally tripped the safety mechanism. But why settle for “oops” when you can spin it as an international assassination attempt on Donny’s dignity?

Priorities, Priorities

While wars rage, economies wobble, and actual human suffering abounds, the Mad King’s court has declared an escalator malfunction a national scandal. It’s the perfect microcosm of Donny’s worldview: the real crises don’t matter—only his personal comfort and how regal his entrance looks on TV.

The Bigger Picture

If you’re wondering why America’s global standing has nosedived, look no further than this: an administration that treats a stalled escalator like an act of war, but shrugs at genocide, climate collapse, or homegrown extremism. Donny’s reign is basically a never-ending reality show, where the drama is fake, the stakes are petty, and the ego is the only thing too big to fail.

Because Donny is such a deeply flawed and pathetic man.

Donny at the UN: A Masterclass in Fear and Loathing

Donny climbed onto the UN stage, still sulking from his escalator conspiracy—and proceeded to spit bile at the very institution meant to foster cooperation. In true form, he accused the UN of pushing a “globalist migration agenda” (translation: letting brown people in) and warned European leaders their countries were “going to hell” thanks to open borders.

Donny went well over the allotted 15 minutes allocated, rambling on for an hour to stunned silence. In Donny I, his first UN speech was met with laughter as he was identified for being the clown and laughing stock he is. No one is laughing now, though that's not because Donny is any less of an embarrassing moron. It's because he's a demented and very dangerous imbecile.

Never one to miss a chance to weaponize paranoia, he pivoted to green energy. According to The Don, renewables aren’t about saving the planet but about letting “cheaters” pollute while pretending to be virtuous. Who needs science, when you've got Donny.

Moving on, Donny then turned to rant about how in his real estate days, he'd been turned down for renovating the UN building. Because he's so petty every grievance will get it's moment of air time. We'll never know, but you can only imagine what the proposal for the building will have been given what he's done to the White House.

Heritage, Not Humanity

The whole rant was a dog whistle symphony; “protect your heritage,” he cried, as if Europe’s real existential crisis isn’t climate collapse or authoritarian creep, but too many migrants daring to exist. It wasn’t policy; it was panic porn for nationalists who dream of walls high enough to block out reality.

The Mad King’s UN Stage

This is diplomacy Donny style. Donny treated the UN like his personal stage to flog fear, division, and the eternal myth that retreating into isolation will somehow stop global crises. The fact that he used an institution born from the ashes of world war to promote xenophobia and climate nihilism tells you everything about how far he’ll torch international norms to feed his ego.

The Shame of It

Unfortunately, Donny isn't just embarrassing himself. He's on the world stage representing the United States. And he's very bit the fool. He's so stupid. He's so crass. He lacks anything even resembling statesmanship. Donny is an actual fucking clown.

A World Going Backwards

The UN was built on the promise of collective action. Donny, true to form, turned it into a platform for division, regression, and his own never-ending persecution complex. The Mad King doesn’t just mock cooperation—he actively sabotages it, gleefully dragging us into a darker, smaller, meaner vision of the world.

Bronze Truth Bomb Lands on the National Mall

Washington, D.C. got an unexpected addition to its monument collection today: a life-size bronze statue of Donny and Jeffrey Epstein, hand-in-hand, frolicking like two perverts on spring break. The plaque? A deadpan tribute to their “long-lasting bond.”

The National Mall—usually reserved for presidents, heroes, and civil rights icons—played host to a blunt reminder of The Don’s most radioactive friendship. Families strolled by Lincoln, Jefferson, and MLK… and then stumbled upon the Mad King cantering with a convicted sex trafficker. Truly, a teachable moment.

Art With Teeth

The anonymous artist behind the piece clearly knows the assignment: satire works best when it stings. And nothing stings quite like forcing America to look straight at what its ruling class keeps trying to bury. Trump can sue newspapers, shred files, and shriek “hoax” until he’s orange in the face—but bronze doesn’t lie.

The Mad King’s Shadow

Let’s not pretend this was subtle. The statue wasn’t about allegations. It wasn’t about “political attacks.” It was about accountability, about dragging back into the sunlight what Donny and his enablers hope will quietly rot in the archives. Epstein may be dead, but his ghost still haunts the corridors of power. And Donny? He’s still dancing around the questions, hoping no one notices the stench of his past.

It's no coincidence that Donny's assault on democracy has escalated in the wake of Charlie Kirk's death. It's not a legitimate clampdown on violence - it's a distraction. A distraction from the one thing that seems set to sink Donny's ship. He's all over the Epstein files.

So the statue isn't just an art stunt. It's a civic intervention. On the very ground where America pretends to celebrate democracy and decency, the public was reminded of the rot at the core of power. That statue is a mirror, and it shows a reflection that the establishment—both political and royal—would rather we forget.