Dozy Don’s Newest Conspiracy: FBI Did Jan. 6, Patriots Just Brought the Flags
Analysis of FBI Investigation into Trump's Role in January 6 Capitol Riot
Assault on DemocracyRationale
The investigation seeks to determine the extent of responsibility for inciting a violent attack against the Capitol, which poses a direct threat to democratic processes and ensures accountability for those undermining democracy.
Because reality has never been his strong suit, Dozy Don has decided to add a new chapter to his “everyone but me did it” fantasy novel: apparently the FBI secretly orchestrated Jan. 6. Yep, the riot he incited, cheered, and later pardoned away is now—according to Donny—an inside job by 274 undercover agents posing as MAGA cosplay enthusiasts.
Of course, this claim comes not from facts, but from Donny mainlining garbage blogs like Just The News and The Blaze, which took an “after action report” about FBI agents arriving after the breach to help restore order, sprinkled in a little paranoia, and served it up as proof the Bureau was really running the whole show. The DOJ’s own inspector general has already debunked this: no evidence of undercover employees, no orders to infiltrate or riot, and the 26 confidential informants who showed up didn’t even bother telling the FBI first. In other words: a clownish conspiracy built on quicksand.
But Donny never lets truth get in the way of a good whine. He went on Truth Social to demand the names of every single FBI agent present, accusing them of being “agitators and insurrectionists.” Meanwhile, the actual agitators and insurrectionists—the ones who smashed windows, beat cops, and smeared shit on the Capitol walls—have all been pardoned by King Don himself. Apparently in his mind, the Proud Boys are just “tourists,” while the FBI is Antifa in disguise.
Two days after strong-arming his DOJ into indicting James Comey, he used this fantasy to smear Comey’s successor Christopher Wray, accusing both men of “lying” to Congress. Because when you’re busy dismantling democracy, why not torch the last shreds of public trust in federal law enforcement while you’re at it?
This is the Don playbook: invent a conspiracy, repeat it until his followers think it’s gospel, and then use it to justify vendettas. Jan. 6 has gone from a violent insurrection he incited, to a patriotic rally cruelly maligned, to now a supposed FBI false-flag. What’s next? That it was staged on a Hollywood set with George Soros directing? Donny’s cult will eat it up regardless.
The rest of us are left watching in horror as the Mad King rewrites history in real time, turning terrorists into martyrs and law enforcement into villains—all because he can’t face the fact that the blood on the Capitol floor was spilled for him.
Dozy Don Sends the Army to Fight… a Handful of Protesters in Portland
Analysis of Federal Troop Deployment to Portland
Assault on Democracy Authoritarian RiskRationale
The decision to deploy federal troops in response to minor protests, despite local opposition, constitutes a significant overreach of executive power and raises serious concerns about the erosion of civil liberties and the normalization of militarized responses to dissent. This action reflects a broader pattern of using federal forces against citizens, which threatens domestic peace and accountability.
In the latest episode of “authoritarian cosplay,” The Don has decided that a tiny protest outside an ICE building in Portland is apparently the second coming of Antietam. His solution? Deploy federal troops, because nothing screams “measured leadership” like rolling out the military to deal with a couple dozen people holding placards.
Governor Tina Kotek and Mayor Keith Wilson, who actually live in the real Portland and not the dystopian Fox News version rattling around Donny’s brain, called out his nonsense immediately: no insurrection, no threat to national security, no need for troops. But Donny, ever the strongman wannabe, saw an “emergency” where none existed. His instinct for overkill is so finely tuned he probably thinks jaywalkers should be met with drone strikes.
This isn’t new. Back in 2020, his goons in unmarked vans prowled the streets of Portland, snatching protesters off sidewalks in a stunt that managed to unite the ACLU, terrified locals, and anyone with a basic respect for civil liberties. That fiasco spawned lawsuits, investigations, and international embarrassment. But Donny? He learned exactly nothing—except that he likes the optics of soldiers facing off against civilians, because it makes him feel like a real dictator instead of a flabby game-show host with a Twitter addiction.
So here we are again, Portland being treated like a war zone over a protest that barely qualifies as a noise complaint. At this rate, the next time a Girl Scout troop pickets a Baskin-Robbins for running out of Thin Mints, we can expect tanks on the streets.