Day 231: Donny's Circus: From Epstein to Tennis, the Authoritarian Clown Show

Backtracking on Ridiculous "Donny Actually an FBI Informant" Cover Story

So on Thurday, according to House Speaker Mike Johnson, the reason they've not released the Epstein files is actually because Donny has secretly been an FBI informant the whole time.

Right, well that puts that to bed then. No further questions from me.

Although, actually that stands up for about 3 seconds of scrutiny. It is an utterly laughable excuse that they've spent the whole summer trying to come up with.

1. Why the fuck have they not said this before now? If Donny was really a brave undercover patriot, why sit on it all summer while the scandal metastasized?
2. Since when does Donny do modesty? This is the man who bragged about knowing more about ISIS than the generals and more about grass than any human alive. If he’d been an informant, he’d have been shouting it from the White House roof with a bullhorn.
3. It’s provable. Either you’re an informant or you’re not. Where’s the paperwork? Where’s the corroboration?
4. It flat-out contradicts the “hoax” line. If Epstein was a hoax cooked up by Biden, Hillary, and Obama, why is Donny supposedly working with the FBI on it?

This excuse makes less sense than one of Donny's grass rambles. And because of this, Mike today is already backpedaling on the whole thing. And what he meant be being an FBI "informant", was just that he's cooperated with officials investigating the whole thing.

Right, so that puts that to bed then. No further questions from me.

How about releasing the Epstein files, then? What’s the new excuse going to be? Still sticking with the Biden-Clinton-Obama criminal mastermind hoax? Because, let’s be honest, that doesn’t make sense either:

1. Is Biden a feeble old man who’s lost his marbles, or is he a criminal genius pulling off the hoax of the century? Pick one.
2. No credible evidence of this hoax has ever materialized — not a shred.
3. It’s patently absurd, even by MAGA fan-fiction standards.

The truth is simple: Release the Epstein Files. We all know Donny’s name is on every page.

Donny at the US Open: Booed, Bored, and Barely Awake

Donny decided the US Open men’s final needed less tennis and more Trump. His grand entrance was met with a wall of boos.

Broadcasters, under orders from the USTA, scrambled to mute the crowd, desperately trying to transform a stadium full of jeers into something resembling polite applause. Donny is so pathetically fragile he can't tolerate any sense that he doesn't have adulation wherever he goes.

Meanwhile, fans endured draconian security measures, courtesy of the Secret Service, which turned the start of the final into a TSA line at LaGuardia. Thousands were delayed, leaving the stadium half-empty when the match began — because nothing says “prestige sporting event” like rows of vacant seats and a sulking dictator in a luxury box.

Dozy Don, naturally, spent part of the evening drifting off. Yes, the man who once claimed he could solve crime in Chicago in a week couldn’t even stay awake through a tiebreak. He was literally nodding off in his box, surrounded by sycophants and a trophy on display — presumably a prop to remind him what winning used to feel like.

It was fortunate that he fell to sleep or no doubt he'd have tried to steal the trophy as he did the world cup.

In the end, the tennis was world-class, but the real spectacle was Donny: booed, censored, disruptive, and unconscious. A perfect metaphor for his presidency — loud on arrival, embarrassing in the middle, and asleep at the end.

Donny’s Tariff Clown Show: Bessent Says “Billions Lost? Who Cares!”

In an NBC interview, Dozy Don's economic sidekick Scott Bessent brushed off warnings from American giants like John Deere, Nike, and Black & Decker, all of which are staring down billions in losses from Donny’s beloved tariffs. His defense? Basically: “Don’t worry about it — the stock market is up.”

Yes, according to Bessent, companies are required to cry wolf on earnings calls, so their predictions of billions in damage don’t really count. Right — because when Nike says tariffs will gut their margins, clearly it’s just corporate bedtime storytelling.

This comes days after a federal appeals court ruled Donny's tariffs illegal, since Donny unilaterally slapped a 10% baseline tax on nearly every U.S. trading partner, with higher hits for countries like China, Canada, and Mexico. In other words: the court called him out for making “Tariff Tuesdays” a permanent lifestyle.

Meanwhile, businesses, farmers, and consumers are actually paying the price. Tariffs, of course, are just taxes in disguise — something even high school econ students can grasp. But not Donny’s crew. To them, if GDP is at 3.3% and the Dow is hitting records, it’s all sunshine and winning. Never mind that the “winning” is happening on the backs of consumers paying more for imports and companies slashing jobs.

The whole charade fits the Trump playbook perfectly: deny the obvious, ignore the experts, break the law, then brag about the stock market like it’s a scoreboard at one of his golf courses. The only real “baseline” here? Donny’s tariffs — 10% incompetence, 90% authoritarian cosplay.

To Donny and the gang, they're not really even concerned with winning or if anything they do helps - as long as the optics of it are reporting that.