Day 229: Donny's Tyrannical Tour: Military Mania and Made-Up Mandates

Welcome to the Department of War.gov

It’s been on the cards for months, and today Donny finally inked his latest toddler-with-a-Sharpie executive order: the Pentagon is no longer the Department of Defense, it’s now the Department of War. Subtle. Real subtle.

Could this be the masterstroke that finally nets him the Nobel Peace Prize he’s been pining for? Nothing says “peace” quite like rebranding America’s entire military machine around perpetual conflict.

Of course, this nostalgic throwback to the 1789–1947 era completely ignores why the name was changed in the first place — to emphasize that the U.S. wasn’t supposed to be in the business of endless invasions. But Donny, as always, thinks history is just another brand to slap his name on. Now the Pentagon’s site even redirects to war.gov. Because if you’re going to embarrass the nation, at least buy the domain.

Donny signed the order at the Oval office on camera flanked by town drunk Pete Hegseth who spewed some meaningless and empty platitudes.

And the timing couldn’t be worse. This rebrand arrives just days after a U.S. Navy airstrike in international waters killed 11 people on a boat allegedly tied to Venezuela’s Tren de Aragua gang. Military lawyers are already scratching their heads over whether this was remotely legal under international law. But hey, why bother with legalities when you can just rename the building and call it a strategy?

The Don’s foreign policy is as deep as a puddle in August: flex, bluster, repeat. Rename “defense” as “war,” lob missiles into gray areas of legality, and then pat yourself on the back like you’ve just discovered diplomacy.

Donny isn’t a wartime president. He’s a man-child playing with toy soldiers, except the soldiers are real, the bombs are real, and the consequences are catastrophic. It’s embarrassing. It’s dangerous. And it’s exactly what you’d expect from a guy who thinks grass has a life cycle but democracy doesn’t.

Donny’s War on Portland (2020 Edition, Courtesy of Fox News Reruns)

Donny is a national embarrassment. He's so staggeringly stupid that despite everything I still find myself shocked at how dumb he can be.

What's he done now? Watching Fox news late at night, Donny got confused. So today, The Don announced he’s considering sending the National Guard to Portland.

That’s right: the Commander-in-Chief of the world’s largest military is now scheduling deployments based on miscaptioned B-roll. He saw old footage from 2020 protests, convinced himself Portland was currently on fire, and decided to maybe send troops to put out an imaginary blaze.

“I watched television last night,” Donny said, “Portland is unbelievable, what’s going on.”

What’s actually going on? A few dozen protesters outside an ICE facility. What did Donny see? Thousands of rioters storming the city like it’s a Mad Max reboot. Someone tell him Christopher Nolan didn’t direct this one — it’s just a rerun.

Naturally, he dusted off his favorite conspiracy theory, insisting the protesters are “paid agitators” with “professionally printed signs.” Because nothing screams shadowy Antifa cabal like a Staples loyalty card.

And then came the big threat:

“When we go to Portland, we’re going to wipe ‘em out. They’re going to be gone. They’ve ruined that city.”

Of course, Portland today looks nothing like Donny’s hellscape. The courthouse fencing? Gone. Police HQ? Windows restored. Downtown? Very much not “ruined.” But why let facts get in the way when Fox News is offering a curated fantasy land to soothe your paranoia?

So here we are: a sitting president, ready to militarize an American city — because he can’t tell the difference between reality and a four-year-old viral video. If Biden had done this, we’d be on week three of wall-to-wall cable coverage about “early-onset dementia.” With Donny, it’s just another Friday night programming error.

It's just so telling - if Donny can be this easily confused, and then go on national television to talk about - how can he possibly be trusted with, well anything.

ICE Cracks Down on… Electric Cars?

Today, ICE agents stormed a Hyundai facility in Georgia and dragged away nearly 475 workers. The target wasn’t a cartel warehouse or a terrorist cell. Nope — it was a factory making batteries for Hyundai and Kia’s electric vehicles. Nothing screams national security like handcuffing the people keeping EVs on the road.

This raid is now the largest single-site enforcement operation in DHS history. Congratulations, Donny — your legacy is officially breaking records in cruelty and incompetence. The whole operation brought production to a standstill, proving once again that in Trump World, the economy takes a backseat to the deportation fantasy cosplay.

The Don likes to say he’s “draining the swamp.” What he’s actually doing is draining assembly lines, draining local economies, and draining America’s credibility with international partners. Because why not cripple a multinational industrial project in the middle of a global push for EV technology? Who needs jobs, trade, or diplomacy when you can have a spectacle for the base?

This is more than just an immigration raid — it’s a neon sign flashing no one is safe from The Don’s tantrums. Not corporations, not foreign investment, not the workers who keep industries humming. All of it is secondary to the Mad King’s obsession with mass deportations.

Increasingly, this can be described as “business as usual” for Donny’s clown car of an administration. So here we are: factories shut down, supply chains shattered, allies baffled — and ICE bragging about its biggest “victory.” Meanwhile, America looks less like a country that builds the future and more like one sabotaging itself on purpose.

Chicago Braces for Donny's next Invasion

Communities in Chicago are bracing for Donny’s latest cosplay as “Commander-in-Chief of Everything.” Federal law enforcement and ICE agents are reportedly set to swarm the city in the coming days, making Chicago the next stop in Donny's national tour of authoritarian overreach.

On Tuesday, Donny puffed out his chest and called Chicago a “hellhole,” insisting troops are coming whether locals want them or not. He even said Mayor Brandon Johnson and Governor JB Pritzker should personally call him to beg for help — because in Trump World, federal deployments are less about safety and more about stroking his fragile ego.

If this goes ahead, Chicago will become the second U.S. city — after Washington, D.C. — to have National Guard troops marching down its streets under Trump’s so-called “national crime emergency.” That “emergency” just happens to ignore the inconvenient fact that Chicago’s violent crime rate is at its lowest in 40 years. Homicides this summer? The lowest in six decades. But why let reality spoil a perfectly good excuse to roll tanks past Navy Pier?

Johnson isn’t taking this lying down. His “Protecting Chicago” initiative is designed to limit Donny’s meddling in local policing. Naturally, The Don sees this as treasonous. After all, in his America, states’ rights only exist if those states do exactly what he wants.

Because once again, like Gavin Newsom in California, increasingly states are having to take measures to protect themselves from the government and not rely on it for support.

Meanwhile, Illinoisans are right to worry. ICE is sharpening its teeth, with advance teams training in crowd control and flash grenades just north of the city. Governor Pritzker has already warned that Donny's goons might target Mexican Independence Day celebrations. The El Grito festival in Grant Park? Postponed. Nothing says freedom quite like scaring families away from cultural events with the threat of raids.

Chicagoans aren’t buying the propaganda. As former alderman Edwin Eisendrath put it, the city doesn’t need Donny’s troops — it needs the federal government to stop treating it like an occupied territory.

This isn’t about safety. It’s about control, headlines, and Donny’s obsession with playing general. The only thing Trump is “protecting” here is his own ego, while real Chicagoans are left to wonder if celebrating their heritage in Grant Park will earn them a flashbang to the face.

And of course all of this serves as a distraction from the Epstein files, which has Donny's name all over it.