Day 227: The Don's Carnival of Chaos: Immigration, Immorality, and an Epic Fail

Donny's Desperate Rocket Sized Distraction

Donny was desperate for a distraction today. And why wouldn’t he be? A hearing for Epstein survivors was set to dominate the news cycle — the last thing The Don ever wants shining a light on his decades-long chumminess with Paedo Jeffrey. So, what’s a flailing authoritarian to do? Roll out one of his big-boy press conferences to announce… absolutely nothing of consequence.

Yes, the big “news” of the day: U.S. Space Command is moving from Colorado Springs to Huntsville, Alabama. Forget inflation, climate change, or foreign wars — today’s presidential priority is zip codes.

Donny puffed up and declared Huntsville the “forever” home of Space Command — “Rocket City,” as he put it, trying to sound like he was christening a theme park. Naturally, he couldn’t resist blaming Biden for “wrongfully obstructing” his earlier plans to relocate. Because in Donny’s world, every decision ever made boils down to what was done to Donny.

Of course, he slipped in some digs at Colorado’s mail-in voting system, calling the elections there “crooked.” Because nothing says “space strategy” like a tangent about ballots. Colorado, Nevada, Utah — all states with mail-in systems — but only Colorado gets smeared because it’s blue. Alabama, conveniently blood-red, got the prize. And, just in case anyone thought his 47-point win there mattered, Donny swore it had nothing to do with it. Sure.

The truth? The Air Force originally liked Huntsville, then Biden reversed it in 2023 to avoid the years-long disruption and risk of moving a major command during an actual space race with China. Even Pentagon reports flagged “risks to readiness.” But Donny doesn’t care about readiness. He cares about rallies. He cares about feeding his base — and giving Tuberville and Alabama Republicans something to crow about.

Colorado has the Space Force Academy, multiple bases, and the infrastructure already in place. Alabama has political loyalty and a history of rocket nostalgia. Guess which one The Don values more.

So while Epstein survivors sought justice, Donny was babbling about sprinkler systems and Rocket City. Another day, another distraction. Another chapter in the book of governance by grievance.

Epstein's Missing Minute Discovered

Oh what have we here? The missing minute that we were assured definitely didn't exist

For some time now, conspiracy theories swirled around the 61-second black hole in Jeffrey Epstein’s final surveillance footage. The DOJ and FBI swore it was just an “outdated system reset,” a nightly quirk of the prison’s cameras. Nothing to see here, folks — just the world’s most notorious inmate conveniently vanishing from the record for one minute on the night of his death.

Now, after the GOP-led House Oversight Committee dragged 33,000 pages of Epstein files out of the Justice Department, pages that were heavily redacted and largely already in the public domain, voilà — the missing minute has appeared. The new clip doesn’t show much beyond guards milling around, but the bigger story is how easily “lost” evidence gets “found” when Congress threatens subpoenas.

Of course, digital forensic experts already shredded the DOJ’s credibility back in July. Wired revealed that the “raw footage” metadata showed it had been modified — using Adobe Premiere Pro, no less — and that the file wasn’t even created until May of this year. In other words: the world’s most important surveillance video has the same digital fingerprints as a YouTuber’s unboxing vlog.

So now we’re supposed to believe this was all just a harmless midnight reset? Please. Between the “oops” in the metadata, the sudden aspect-ratio shifts, and now this conveniently rediscovered minute, the whole thing reeks.

Nancy Mace: From Toilet Cop to Trauma Tourist

Self-appointed Toilet Cop and South Carolina Rep. Nancy Mace apparently discovered something scarier than unisex bathrooms: the truth about Jeffrey Epstein.

After a private House Oversight briefing with six Epstein survivors, Mace fled the Capitol in tears, later describing herself as “hyperventilating,” “shaking,” and “unable to breathe.” It was, in her words, a “full-blown panic attack.”

To be clear: the survivors’ testimony was harrowing, and their pain is very real. But it’s telling that the woman who’s made a career grandstanding about bathrooms and parental-rights scaremongering finally encountered a reality she couldn’t spin into a culture-war press release.

The committee is investigating Epstein’s decades of abuse — and, crucially, the cover-ups by those in power, including Donny and his administration. The focus is on how Epstein’s crimes were ignored, enabled, or swept under the rug by powerful allies. That includes probing whether The Don’s White House played its part in shielding his old friend from accountability.

Mace’s meltdown is now a meme-worthy reminder of the human cost behind the headlines. Survivors have lived with this trauma for years. Mace spent one afternoon listening and ended up in a puddle of tears. Welcome to reality, Congresswoman — it’s uglier than your bathroom crusades.

The Oversight Committee’s work continues, with more hearings on the way. But if Epstein’s victims can summon the courage to testify, the least lawmakers can do is sit with their pain without sprinting for the exit.

It's catching up with Donny, and he can't hide forever.

Donny’s War on Academia Hits a Wall

In his crusade against institutions smarter than he is, The Don gleefully yanked $2.2 billion in federal research grants from Harvard University back in April. The excuse? The usual authoritarian cocktail: alleged antisemitism, “radical left” ideologies, and the unforgivable sin of not kissing his ring.

But here’s the twist — a federal judge just ruled that move illegal. That’s right: Donny’s big “power play” turned out to be just another unconstitutional temper tantrum. For once, the courts remembered they exist to stop presidents from treating the federal budget like their own slush fund.

Harvard, predictably, refused to bow to the demands — no surprise, considering universities aren’t supposed to function as propaganda mills for whichever strongman is sulking in the Oval Office. The Don responded with defunding, threats, and the kind of executive overreach that makes Nixon look like a model constitutionalist.

This isn’t just about Harvard. It’s about an administration weaponizing public money to crush dissent and remake higher education in its image. The message was clear: toe the line or watch your labs, scholarships, and medical research dry up. The fact that a judge had to remind the White House that the rule of law still applies is both reassuring and terrifying — reassuring that the courts pushed back, terrifying that we’ve sunk to a place where the president thinks this is normal.

Critics are right to call this what it is: an assault on academic freedom and a dangerous precedent. Universities exist to challenge power, not serve it. But Donny’s obsession with punishing critics means no institution is safe — not the press, not the courts, and certainly not the campuses where tomorrow’s scientists, doctors, and thinkers are trained.

This ruling is a win for now. But the vendetta continues. And if The Don has shown us anything, it’s that he’ll happily burn down entire institutions just to silence a few voices that make him uncomfortable.

JD Vance’s “Thoughts and Prayers” Tour

Tosspot and widely hated Vice President DJ Vance, turned up at a Minneapolis church this week to “pay respects” after a mass shooting left two children dead and 21 others injured. Inside, he called the experience “heartbreaking but also gratifying”—a bizarre pairing of words that sounded less like genuine empathy and more like the kind of thing you blurt when you’ve run out of index cards.

Vance told grieving families: “We should talk less about the shooter and more about these kids.” Which would be moving, if not for the fact that his administration has done exactly nothing to stop the endless parade of shooters. Thoughts, prayers, and polished soundbites don’t keep bullets out of classrooms.

Outside the church, reality caught up with him. Protesters waved pride flags and shouted “do better” and “you’re a coward.” It was a clear reminder that the public is tired of officials showing up to hug survivors while still genuflecting to the NRA. Vance’s defense? More platitudes about “root causes” and promises to “be a better dad,” as if his personal parenting choices have anything to do with the national crisis of gun violence.

Vance of course has hecklers wherever he goes. He's the most unpopular VP in history.

Columnists on the right rushed to call the protests “tone-deaf.” But in truth, the only tone-deafness on display was Vance’s: standing in front of a community gutted by gunfire and offering little more than pious handwringing. This administration’s playbook is always the same—minimize the policy failures, shift focus to the victims’ lives, and hope no one notices the blood on their hands.

The chants outside said it all. “Do better.” Because so far, JD Vance—and the Donny administration he props up—have done nothing at all.

Angola Prison: Donny’s New Immigration “Deterrent”

Remember, under the Mad King, cruelty is the point.

Because nothing says “land of the free” like locking people up in America’s most notorious penitentiary, The Don has now decided that immigration detainees should be housed at Angola Prison in Louisiana. Yes, Angola — the former slave plantation turned maximum-security hellhole that’s infamous for brutality, overcrowding, and forced labor.

Animal cruelty practicer and Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, channeling her inner villain, announced that Angola would be used to hold the “worst of the worst.” Translation: anyone The Don wants to deport but hasn’t gotten around to yet. Noem claimed the prison’s reputation would “encourage self-deportation.” Ah yes, because threatening people with one of the most violent prisons in America is totally how a civilized democracy should handle immigration.

Governor Jeff Landry is already salivating, predicting the facility will reach full capacity soon — over 400 people — as part of Donny’s crusade to deport millions. Meanwhile, human rights advocates are rightly horrified, warning that treating desperate migrants like hardened criminals will trample civil liberties and shred what little remains of America’s moral credibility.

But let’s be honest: this isn’t about safety, it’s about spectacle. The Don is using Angola’s nightmarish reputation as a prop in his endless performance of cruelty. A prison once synonymous with chain gangs is now being repurposed as his immigration deterrent. It’s punitive policy masquerading as governance — another brick in the wall of his authoritarian obsession with punishment over compassion.

At the end of the day, Donny’s message is loud and clear: “Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free — and we’ll throw them in Angola.”

Donny vs. Rosie: The Grudge That Ate a Presidency

Donny’s had it in for Rosie O’Donnell for nearly two decades. Like clockwork, every time his ego takes a bruise, he dusts off the same old vendetta against the comedian who dared to mock him first.

This week, in yet another Truth Social meltdown, The Don threatened to revoke O’Donnell’s U.S. citizenship — a punishment he appears to think is in the Constitution somewhere, probably wedged between the right to golf and the right to spray tan. Alongside the rant, he posted an obviously edited, unflattering picture of Rosie: presidential pettiness distilled into a single jpeg.

O’Donnell, never one to let Donny have the last word, fired back with surgical precision: calling him “King Joffrey with a tangerine spray tan.” Which, frankly, might be the most accurate political analysis of 2025.

But here’s the darker side of Donny’s juvenile grudge matches: the Department of Justice is actively pursuing denaturalization proceedings against American citizens. Yes, you read that right — stripping U.S. citizenship away. What began as a nativist stunt to intimidate immigrants has now ballooned into a weapon aimed at critics. Today it’s Rosie, tomorrow it’s anyone who tweets the wrong meme.

So while Donny’s feud with Rosie makes the headlines, the subtext is far more sinister: the president of the United States is openly fantasizing about using state power to silence opponents. Authoritarianism doesn’t always march in with jackboots — sometimes it arrives dressed as a reality TV rerun, dragging a grudge into its third decade.

Donny Still has a Soft Spot for Musk

In his latest attempt to collect billionaire Pokémon, Donny gushed in an interview that Elon Musk is “80% super genius”—which, coming from a man who thinks windmills cause cancer, is apparently the highest praise possible.

Never mind that Musk once torched Trump’s tax plan as a “MOUNTAIN of DISGUSTING PORK.” In Donny’s world, grudges are disposable if the other guy has enough money, rockets, or Twitter followers. One day Musk is a traitor whining about pork-barrel spending, the next he’s being wooed back into the Republican fold like a long-lost prom date.

Donny framed it as Musk having taken a “wrong turn” by cozying up to Democrats, but insisted he’d come back to the GOP once he realized the “radical left lunatics” weren’t his people. Translation: Donny desperately wants Elon’s clout—and more importantly, Elon’s cash—back in the tent.

It’s classic Don: policy differences don’t matter, principles don’t exist, and loyalty is just a commodity to be traded when convenient. Today’s “super genius” is tomorrow’s “loser,” and back again, depending on which way the political winds (or Musk’s rockets) are blowing.

This is what passes for strategy in Trump World: forget consistency, forget ideology. The only thing that counts is whether you’re useful to Donny in the moment. Musk may only be 80% super genius, but Donny remains 100% opportunist.