Donny's Diary

Dear Diary, What a fantastic day it has been! I proposed an AMAZING birthday party for our great U.S. Army, featuring FIVE top-of-the-line Abrams tanks. Incredible, right? Folks, it’s all about power and prestige. Maybe the Democrats think we should honor our heroes with cupcakes instead? Pathetic.

Then, get this: the UK, yes the UK, invited me for a state visit! But that ungrateful Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, what a loser, said Canadians are “not impressed.” Who cares? Let them be the 51st state; I mean, they won’t turn up for an invitation like this again! SAD!

Also, I attempted to bring peace to the world, suggesting a THREE-WAY meeting between Putin and Zelenskyy. Some might say it’s complicated, but I call it diplomacy—something Biden wouldn't understand! Instead, he just stumbles around like a confused toddler.

And then there’s Walmart. Oh boy, they thought about raising prices because of my fabulous tariffs. I told them NO WAY! Absorb those costs—be a good company! What are they afraid of—losing the great Trump endorsement?

Finally, the big tech world got a surprise when I fired the head of the US Copyright Office. BIG MISTAKE to anyone who thought I wouldn’t do it. It’s a free-for-all, folks! No compensation for creators? Ha! Just better for us, I always said, liberate creatives!

The Democrats—so weak. I’m the best president, the best ever! They can’t handle my genius; it’s too much for them. But fear not—why would I let the country be boring? We will keep the fun rolling! Keep it strong, America!