Trade Wars, Economic Messes, and Colleges Getting Shouted At!
April 22, 2025
Dear Diary, HUGE news today. I, the best president ever, declared a VERY STRONG warning to China. If they don't play ball, we're setting the terms ourselves. Can you believe it? Only I could do this! Some say it's a hardline stance—those are the losers, folks! When I win, everyone wins.
Meanwhile, the IMF—totally biased, by the way—has slashed its growth forecast to 2.8%. They blame ME and my tariffs! Terrible! But all the smart people know it’s just because they don’t like strong, aggressive America. Sad! They want me to fail, but I’m winning on every front!
And get this: Environmental groups are gearing up to challenge my orders on fossil fuels! LOL! They don't understand that real Americans love energy and jobs. They can fight me all they want, but I respect the coal miners more than they ever could. I’m saving the planet—believe me!
The Supreme Court is looking at my executive orders—again! Only I can make legality sexy! But the judges, let me tell you, could use a few lessons on how to follow my lead. YUGE decisions coming, folks!
Lastly, 170 colleges are crying because I'm threatening their funding. Boo hoo! They just need to learn to respect the greatest president the country has ever seen. They want engagement? They better believe it—it’s coming with a giant federal personnel team!
Just another day of making America great! More to come, folks!
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