Tremendous Tariffs and Terrific Takeovers: My Epic Days in the Oval Office
April 4, 2025
Dear Diary, on April 4, 2025, I made another GIGANTIC move—doubled down on my amazing 'Liberation Day' tariffs! A universal 10% tax on all imports! Can you believe it? Trillions wiped off the global market—just like that! Patrons of the 'moron premium' in the UK can learn a thing or two from this spectacle!
Critics? They’re just jealous, folks! Flawed calculations? Please! The Democrats are STILL crying over their bad trade deals. Sad!
Then there’s my war on the so-called professional managerial class, which, by the way, was filled with bad people, no doubt. Cutting funding for those universities-like institutions? CHECK. Purged civil servants? CHECK. And that DEI stuff? Out! TOTAL WINNING, folks! They’re likening it to Maoist purges, like they even know what that means!
And guess what? I even ELIMINATED collective bargaining rights for federal workers! Can you say game changer? States are following my lead, refusing union elections like they were yesterday’s expired milk! Labor leaders are freaking out—good! It’s about time the REAL workers get to shine without all that unnecessary fluff.
All in all, just another day being the GREATEST president EVER, making America NOT just great, but TREMENDOUSLY fantastic! I'd say BRAVO to me!
BIDEN and his crew? As always, THE worst! Weak! Unbelievable! They can’t handle the TRUTH! Everything I do is a BOLD move, while they.... well, you know, they’re just sad. Keep crying, losers!
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