Speaker Mike Johnson Declares War on Reality: Calls Peaceful Protest a ‘Hate America Rally,’ Forgets He’s Running a Fascist Fan Club
Ah yes, Speaker Mike Johnson, America’s most pious hypocrite and part-time televangelist cosplayer, is back at the podium — this time shrieking about the “No Kings” protest like a man allergic to democracy. Apparently, in Johnson’s fevered imagination, a group of peaceful protesters holding signs and chanting about freedom is actually the “hate America rally,” filled with “the pro-Hamas wing” and “the antifa people.”
That’s right — Mike Johnson, the same guy who literally tried to overturn an election, is now lecturing people about loving America. The man wouldn’t know patriotism if it hit him in the face with a pocket Constitution.
In his Fox News sermon — broadcast live from the Church of Grift — Johnson warned that “they’re all coming out,” as if democracy itself were a horror movie monster creeping toward his Bible study. He even accused House Democrats of selling t-shirts for the protest, which, in his mind, is apparently the same as funding terrorism.
Meanwhile, his fellow clown Rep. Tom Emmer jumped on the hysteria train, calling it a “hate America rally” and blaming it for the ongoing government shutdown — because, of course, nothing says personal responsibility like blaming a bunch of activists for your own inability to govern. According to Emmer, Democrats have caved to “the terrorist wing of their party.” Which is rich coming from a guy whose own party spent January 6th trying to hang the Vice President while waving Christian flags.
Let’s recap for those playing along at home:
The No Kings movement started as a peaceful counter-protest to Donny’s fascist vanity parade — the one where he wanted tanks rolling through D.C. like some Cheeto-colored Napoleon.
The first wave of demonstrations was overwhelmingly peaceful, unless you count one tragic incident caused by private peacekeepers trying (badly) to protect the crowd.
The upcoming rally is being organized by everyone from labor unions to Vote Save America — not exactly Hamas headquarters.
But none of that matters to Johnson and his gang of red-hat zealots. Facts are poison. Truth is the enemy. Their entire strategy is to scream “terrorist” at anyone who doesn’t kiss the ring of their tangerine tyrant.
The No Kings organizers, to their credit, responded with the right amount of contempt — issuing a joint statement after “a few moments of laughter.” Their message: Hey Mike, maybe reopen the damn government before you start accusing people of treason.
Because here’s the thing: Johnson isn’t angry about the rally — he’s terrified of it. He’s terrified of ordinary Americans uniting under the radical belief that the country shouldn’t be run by a wannabe monarch and his pack of Bible-thumping sycophants.
So, when Speaker Sanctimony calls it a “hate America rally,” what he really means is: they hate his America. The one where loyalty oaths replace laws, where the government exists to crush dissent, and where patriotism is just a stage prop for fascism.
Sorry, Mike — the people have spoken, and they don’t want a king. Especially not one wearing a MAGA crown and quoting scripture while the country burns.