Day 263: The Triumph of Theatrical Governance: Donny's Cabinet Circus

Donny Holds Another of His Ass Kissing Cabinet Meetings

So today, Dozy Donny gathered his Cabinet for another of his embarrassing lavish praise onto Dear Leader sessions.

At the head of the table, Donny boasted about his “historic” Middle East peace plan — which is basically the same plan that Biden put together before he left office. He declared he’d “ended conflicts nobody thought could end,” which is technically true if you define “ending” as pretending they don’t exist anymore. Between rambling about “world peace” and “tremendous deals,” he found time to slam Democratic leaders for “hating America” and vowed to “crush” Antifa — apparently still convinced that a loose idea can be outlawed by presidential decree.

Then came the pièce de résistance: Health Secretary RFK Jr. (because of course that’s a real sentence in 2025) pulled out his phone and showed the room a TikTok of a pregnant woman taking Tylenol while criticizing Donny. This, somehow, sparked a Cabinet-wide discussion about acetaminophen, fake news, and the deep state. It was the kind of exchange that makes you nostalgic for the days when presidential meetings involved, you know, governing.

Senator JD Vance took a turn in the spotlight, lavishing praise on Trump for his “business acumen” and “celebrity charisma” — which, translated from sycophant-speak, means “please don’t fire me next.” The Don nodded approvingly, clearly enjoying the performance more than any policy discussion.

Meanwhile, as Gaza burned, Ukraine bled, and the federal government sat shuttered in chaos, the so-called leadership of the United States spent their time riffing on social media videos and fantasizing about silencing dissent. It was less a Cabinet meeting than a cult meeting with better catering.

The whole spectacle underscored what’s long been obvious: this administration isn’t governing — it’s performing. The Don’s Cabinet operates not as a team of public servants, but as a live studio audience for his delusions of grandeur.

And as the country teeters under the weight of shutdowns, unrest, and global crises, The Don’s top priority remains unchanged: keeping the cameras pointed firmly at himself.

Dozy Donny's Revenge Tour Rolls On

Dozy Donny's Department of Justice has indicted New York Attorney General Letitia James — yes, the same woman who handed him a $454 million legal spanking earlier this year. The charge? Bank fraud. The motive? Petty vengeance dressed up as law enforcement.

The indictment, laughably thin on substance, is being hailed by MAGA world as “justice” and by everyone else as exactly what it looks like: an act of state-sponsored retaliation. James, ever composed, called the case “baseless” and accused Donny of “weaponizing our justice system.” Which, of course, is precisely what’s happening — the justice system has officially been converted into Donny’s personal hit squad.

This isn’t a one-off tantrum; it’s part of a pattern. First, they went after James Comey, slapping him with obstruction and perjury charges. Then, Adam Schiff and Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook got dragged into mortgage fraud investigations that even Fox News couldn’t describe with a straight face. Each target shares one thing: they’ve all crossed The Don.

The message couldn’t be clearer — oppose the regime, and you’ll get the full weight of the federal government dropped on your head. It’s the political equivalent of kneecapping democracy with a smile and a subpoena.

Legal experts (the real ones, not the ones from Truth Social Live) have called the case against James “absurd” and “a naked abuse of power.” But the administration doesn’t care — this isn’t about justice, it’s about humiliation. Donny's been stewing ever since James dared to hold him accountable, and now he’s out for blood, using the Department of Justice like a mob enforcer with a law degree.

Letitia James, to her immense credit, isn’t backing down. “I’ve taken on corrupt men before,” she said in a statement. “I’ll do it again.” You can almost hear Donny fuming from the Oval Office, orange knuckles clenched, tweeting in all caps about “WITCH HUNTS” while his lawyers try to remember how due process works.

So here we are: the supposed leader of the free world is prosecuting his political enemies while his loyalists cheer like extras in a bad dystopian movie. The Don’s justice system no longer seeks truth — it seeks revenge. And every indictment like this brings America one step closer to the edge of something darker, something it swore it would never become.

But hey, to Donny, it’s just another headline — and in his mind, that’s the real win.

The Don’s Peace Prize Participation Trophy

Because irony is officially dead, a far-right Norwegian MP has once again nominated Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize — this time for supposedly brokering peace between Israel and the UAE. Upon hearing the news, The Don did what he does best: fired off a tweet reading simply, “Thank you!” — humble as ever, like a man accepting sainthood for not starting a war he couldn’t be bothered to understand.

This isn’t his first brush with the world’s most prestigious back-pat. He was also nominated in 2018 for “reconciling” North and South Korea — which, for the record, didn’t happen. (Unless you count him striding across the DMZ for a glorified photo op as reconciliation.) But sure, give the guy who threatened nuclear war on Twitter a peace prize. Makes perfect sense.

The Nobel Committee, wisely, doesn’t comment on nominees — and won’t for 50 years — meaning this farce will linger in the archives until long after humanity has recovered from whatever the hell this era was. But the nomination has already reignited the eternal debate: is the Peace Prize still about peace, or just about trolling?

Let’s be honest — this wasn’t a serious diplomatic nod. It was a political stunt from the European far right, the same crew that sees The Don as a kind of orange messiah who “owns the libs” on a global scale. Apparently, that’s enough these days to qualify as world peace material.

So, to recap: a Norwegian right-winger nominates a man who’s bombed Iran, threatened Greenland and Canada, cozied up to dictators, and is deploying the National Guard against his own citizens — all because two Gulf states signed an arms deal dressed up as a “peace accord.”

To be fair, there are a number of other world leaders nominating Donny for the prize. Not because he deserves it - but because everyone knows Donny is easily played with flattery.

And why does Donny want the prize so badly? Because this man got it in his first term: