Donny’s Signature Gift to Epstein: A Birthday Card From Hell

Well, what do we have here? Democrats on the House Oversight Committee just dropped the full birthday scrapbook made for Jeffrey Epstein — and let’s just say Hallmark won’t be stocking this one.

Inside: a cheery little note allegedly from Donny himself, complete with his dead-ringer signature (the kind he usually reserves for golf scorecards and fraudulent checks). The White House, of course, denies it’s his — because naturally Donny’s autograph must’ve forged itself. This was almost certainly the work of geriatric and criminal mastermind Biden.

In another gem appearing in the scrapbook, a photo of Epstein holding a novelty check with Donny’s John Hancock on it, joking about “buying” a woman for $22,500. That’s right — the man currently sitting in the Oval Office is being linked to Epstein in a grotesque game of Monopoly: women as property, transactions scrawled out like gag gifts.

But wait, there’s more! The scrapbook includes lurid sketches: Epstein handing balloons to little girls like some perverted carnival act, and another of him receiving a massage from topless women, initials literally tattooed onto their bodies. A private jet matching the “Lolita Express” even makes a cameo, captioned with the cheery slogan: “What a great country!”

So let’s recap: Democrats release receipts, complete with Donny’s penmanship and grotesque doodles. The White House sticks its fingers in its ears, chanting “hoax, hoax, hoax.” Meanwhile, we’re all staring at a birthday album that looks less like a party keepsake and more like Exhibit A in the case for why these men should never have been allowed within fifty miles of public office.

Donny’s spent months suing, threatening, and screaming to bury Epstein’s files. Now we see why: every page has his greasy fingerprints on it. And no amount of denials, tantrums, or defamation lawsuits can scrub that ink away.

Release the damn files. Because the American people deserve more than the half-baked excuses of a wannabe king whose best friends were monsters.

What a great country!

Donny’s “Presidential Immunity to Rape” Argument Gets Torched

Donny just got a federal appeals court-sized reality check: no, being president does not give you a lifetime pass to rape and defame women. Shocking, I know.

The court upheld the $83.3 million jury verdict in favor of E. Jean Carroll, who accused The Don of raping her and then trashing her reputation when she dared to speak out. Trump’s legal brainwave? That presidents should enjoy immunity — as in, rape all you want, the Constitution’s got your back. The judges didn’t buy it. Boo. Fucking. Hoo.

This comes on top of the earlier $5 million judgment against him for sexual abuse and defamation. You’d think the man would get bored of losing, but no — Donny’s legal strategy is just endless appeals, hoping his pals in the Supreme Court finally rubber-stamp his fantasy that “Commander-in-Chief” also means “Predator-in-Chief.”

Let’s not pretend we don’t see what’s coming: the robed MAGA fan club on the bench will almost certainly invent some tortured angle to rescue him. Because in Donny’s America, justice bends to the whims of one man’s fragile ego and criminal appetites. After all, so far this is what they've voted in his favor:

Still, for now, the message from the courts is clear: even kings — or wannabe kings with spray tans and NDAs — can be held accountable. Donny can scream “witch hunt” all he wants, but the reality is simple: a jury found him guilty, and the appeals court told him to pay up.

Whether he actually ever does is another matter.

SCOTUS: Now Proudly Serving Donny’s Deportation Fantasy

Talking of Donny's best buds on the Supreme Court, they of course once again with the Donny appointed majority sided with Team Clown, this time greenlighting sweeping immigration raids in Los Angeles. Because nothing says “justice” quite like turning the Constitution into a doormat.

This ruling overturns a restraining order that had — quite sanely — blocked federal agents from “roving patrols” that stopped people based purely on skin color, language, or the crime of existing in the wrong neighborhood.

Immigrant advocacy groups have warned that these raids are textbook discrimination, systematically targeting people by race and national origin. But to The Don and his robed enablers, that’s not a bug — it’s the whole damn feature. Civil liberties, due process, the basic idea that rights apply to everyone — all tossed aside so Donny can play strongman on the evening news.

This isn’t just about L.A. either. With SCOTUS giving their blessing, the precedent is set: dragnet arrests anywhere, anytime, so long as Donny’s ego demands it. Forget “equal protection under the law” — we’re in “equal persecution under The Don.”

One day, when this authoritarian circus finally grinds to a halt, even the Supreme Court will have to answer for this. History won’t remember them as guardians of the Constitution. It’ll remember them as the clowns who gleefully shat all over it, like one of Donny's diapers.

Donny vs Forrest Gump

Donny’s never met a grudge he couldn’t nurse into a full-blown tantrum, and today’s target was none other than Tom Hanks. Yes, America’s Dad. The man who stormed Omaha Beach on screen and cried over a volleyball. West Point was set to honor Hanks with the prestigious Sylvanus Thayer Award, but in Donny's America, “life is like a box of chocolates” — and if Donny doesn’t like the flavor, the whole box gets thrown out.

West Point abruptly canceled the ceremony, and The Don couldn’t resist gloating. He praised the decision, sneering about “destructive, WOKE recipients.” Translation: Hanks made the fatal mistake of criticizing Trump, and in Trumpworld, that’s a bigger crime than storming the Capitol.

This is, of course, the same Tom Hanks who has poured millions into veterans’ causes and immortalized WWII heroism on film. But apparently, in the eyes of the self-proclaimed Commander-in-Chief, his real offense was not wearing a MAGA hat while doing it.

The message couldn’t be clearer: the military’s highest honor isn’t for those who embody courage, integrity, and service — it’s for those who can stomach Donny’s ego without gagging. Forget honor and country; the new standard is loyalty to The Don.

So, West Point joins the long list of institutions warped into tools of petty retribution. Canceling Hanks’ award isn’t about “values.” It’s about ensuring the only values left are those scrawled in Sharpie on Trump’s Truth Social rants.

Forrest Gump might’ve said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” But even he couldn’t have imagined stupid being handed a scepter and turned loose on West Point.