Day 223: Donny's Death Defying Stunt and Bake Sale Democracy

Donny's Dead Rumors are Sadly False

Rumors of Donny's demise have been greatly exaggerated. The speculation arose mainly because he hadn’t been seen for several days, and the White House had announced no public events on his schedule until at least Tuesday.

Combined with Donny’s continuing, obvious mental and physical decline—along with his recently bruised hand—this has left the MAGA cult worried and the rest of the world, frankly, hopeful.

To make matters worse, the widely despised Vice President, JD Vance, fueled the rumors by discussing the possibility of succeeding King Donny in an interview, though he insisted Donny was in “good shape.” Right, sure.

For now, Donny is doing just fine—he was even spotted out playing golf again.

Ever the grifter, Donny has capitalized on the rumors by sending out a shameless fundraising email pressuring his loyal supporters for cash. The subject line of the email read: “I want to try and get to Heaven.”

Donny’s Bake Sale Democracy

Donny has gone on another of his overnight Truth Social rants, this time with more threats to how he plans to rig elections going forward:

Mail-in voting? Only if you’re on life support or deployed to Iraq. Everyone else — tough luck, get in line. Donny’s latest “reform” is basically voter suppression dressed up as patriotism.

The Mad King is now pushing an executive order requiring voter ID for every ballot and eliminating mail-in voting for all but the severely ill and overseas military. Because nothing says “free and fair” like making sure Grandma with a broken hip can’t vote unless she crawls to the polling station.

And of course, Donny wants hand-counted paper ballots. Why? Because efficient elections don’t serve him. He wants coverage that drags on longer than War and Peace, giving him weeks to scream fraud into the void while his base nods along.

Here’s the kicker: a judge already reminded him that the Constitution gives states and Congress the power to regulate elections — not him. But Donny doesn’t do Constitutions. He does tantrums. He’s convinced fraud is “everywhere,” despite the only proven fraud being him trying to “find” 11,780 votes in Georgia.

His supporters think this is about “security.” In reality, it’s about turning elections into middle-school bake sale tallies — messy, chaotic, and easy for Donny to claim he “won.”

This isn’t reform. It’s sabotage.

Chicago to Donny: Go Fuck Yourself

The Don, never one to let reality interfere with a good rant, promised he could “solve crime in Chicago in a week.” This, from the same guy who said he’d end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours and slash grocery prices with a magic wand. How are those going, Donny? Exactly.

And Chicago doesn't really have a crime problem. Governor JB Pritzker has been pretty vocal about this and how they do not need nor want federal troops in the city. Try telling that to the half wit running the country.

But here’s the thing: Chicago isn’t buying it. Governor JB Pritzker and House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries both told The Don to go pound sand, reminding him that the Constitution still matters — at least outside of Mar-a-Lago. Trump hears that kind of resistance the way Dracula hears garlic: as a personal insult.

Mayor Brandon Johnson went even further, signing the Protecting Chicago Initiative to shield residents from Donny’s federal overreach. Naturally, Donny will probably brand this “treason,” because in his world, protecting citizens from him is the real crime.

Donny’s vision of federalism is simple: states can govern themselves, as long as they govern exactly how he wants. Chicago, to its credit, isn’t having it. The real threat here isn’t some imaginary crime wave — it’s Donny and his sewer clown administration stomping all over democratic principles.

The world we now live in, is where states are having to take active measures to protect themselves from the government.