Day 220: Donny's Dystopia: FEMA, RICO, and Third-Term Tantrums

Donny vs. FEMA: Disaster Relief Becomes Disaster Praise

When you sign up to work for FEMA, you probably think your job is saving lives during floods, fires, and hurricanes. Under Donny? Wrong. Your real job is praising Dear Leader while the levees break.

This week, nearly 200 FEMA employees committed the ultimate crime: telling the truth. They signed an open letter pointing out that Donny’s budget cuts, purges, and clown-show reforms have left the agency barely functional — the kind of dysfunction that could bring us another Hurricane Katrina-style disaster. The response? Every last one of them got slapped with administrative leave. Because in Donny’s America, dissenters are punished and silenced.

The message couldn’t be clearer:

“You may not be able to stop a hurricane, but you damn well better stop talking about it.”

And in a bit of Orwellian spin, FEMA’s press secretary blamed it all on “red tape and inefficiencies” — which is a poetic way of describing people trying to save lives without first swearing fealty to King Donny.

Let’s not forget: Donny has said openly that he wants to abolish FEMA altogether and just let states “take care of their own problems.” Translation: drown or burn, but don’t expect the feds to help unless there’s a photo-op.

So, imagine being a FEMA worker right now. Your choices are:

Help people survive a disaster and risk suspension.

Or keep your mouth shut, praise Donny, and hope the floodwaters don’t rise too high.

Authoritarianism isn’t creeping into disaster relief — it’s running it. And in Donny’s FEMA, the disaster isn’t the storm. The disaster is the president.

Donny’s New Mafia: Little Old Men With Clipboards

RICO was designed to go after the Mafia — you know, guys with crowbars, guns, and envelopes of cash. Donny has now decided the real mob threat is… a 93-year-old philanthropist with foundation grants.

Yes, President Dipshit is on Truth Social screaming that George Soros and his son Alex should be charged under the RICO Act for supposedly “funding violent protests.” Never mind that Soros is best known for funding democracy initiatives worldwide, while Donny is best known for funding golf courses with taxpayer dollars. But sure, let’s talk about who’s damaging the country.

If Soros is secretly running a crime syndicate, he’s got to be the most incompetent mob boss in history. His “henchmen” don’t show up with bats and brass knuckles — they bring clipboards and voter registration forms. Terrifying stuff.

But Donny’s new legal philosophy is simple: if you disagree with him, you’re basically organized crime. First it’s Soros, tomorrow it’s school boards, and by next week he’ll be indicting Little League coaches under RICO.

The Open Society Foundations, naturally, called his accusations “outrageous and false.” Which is diplomatic-speak for “what the hell is this lunatic even talking about?”

This isn’t about crime, it’s about intimidation. Donny is trying to turn America’s legal system into his own personal mob racket — only difference is, unlike the real Mafia, Donny doesn’t even pretend to be subtle.

Newsom Sounds the Alarm: Donny Wants to Be Dictator-for-Life

California’s Gavin Newsom is calling bullshit on Donny’s latest fantasy: a third term in the White House. Yes, the same man who can barely make it through a sentence without confusing Finland for Florida is now openly toying with shredding the Constitution so he can crown himself King Don.

Newsom didn’t mince words. He said Americans need to wake up to the fact that Donny’s not joking — his whole shtick now is replacing the rule of law with the rule of Don. And if you think this is just some offhand remark, take a look at the man’s latest “vision”: a brand-new state ballroom at the White House. Because nothing says “temporary elected official” like building yourself a palace extension that won't be ready until you've apparently left.

This isn’t about infrastructure. It’s about ego. Donny doesn’t see the White House as the people’s house — he sees it as Trump National, Washington D.C. Edition. Gold trim, marble floors, and a permanent lease signed in his own crayon scrawl.

Newsom’s warning isn’t just rhetoric. It’s a flashing red siren about the authoritarian drift we’re already living through. Donny has already gutted agencies, bullied the courts, and militarized the streets. Now he’s openly signaling he’s not leaving — Constitution be damned.

And here’s the kicker: the GOP, predictably, will smile, nod, and pretend the Constitution was always just a “guideline.” Because to them, Dear Leader’s ambitions are worth more than democracy itself.

So yeah, Newsom is right: this isn’t a drill. Donny wants to rule until the grass on his golf courses dies.

Grand Jury Declines to Indict “Sandwich Assailant,” Leaving Trump Officials Hungry for Convictions

The BLT Heard ’Round the World

Only in Donny’s America do we get this level of absurdity. A federal grand jury in DC just declined to indict Sean Charles Dunn, a former DOJ employee, accused of assault after lobbing a sandwich at a CBP agent during Donny’s latest cosplay deployment of federal forces.

The administration wanted felony charges. The jury basically said: “It’s a sandwich, not a Molotov cocktail.”

Naturally, Pam Bondi, Donny’s attorney general and perpetual yes-woman, immediately fired Dunn — branding him part of a “deep state” conspiracy. Apparently, in this regime, even deli meat counts as sedition.

Note the total fucking absurdity: “Throw a sandwich, get a felony. Storm the Capitol, get a speaking slot at CPAC.” This is the America we now live in. Donny's takeover is not pissing around.

This is the upside-down authoritarian clown show Donny has turned the country into.

Meanwhile, Banksy-style posters of the airborne sandwich are now plastered across DC — the BLT heard ’round the world'.

In the end, the jury’s verdict wasn’t really about bread and fillings. It was a message: stop trying to turn lunchtime misdemeanors into political theater.