Donny Declares his Love for God After Bombing Iran
Analysis of U.S. Airstrikes Targeting Iran's Nuclear Facilities
Authoritarian RiskRationale
The action reflects a consolidation of executive power as it bypasses legislative approval for military intervention. Additionally, it fosters international aggression, which can lead to isolation of the U.S. on the global stage and increases tensions, potentially undermining democratic norms in foreign policy.
A few hours after bombing the shit out Iran, Donny held a press conference, flanked by the worst advisors you could possibly want at war time.
- JD Vance, a total asshole with no discernible qualities or skills
- Marco Rubio, a political chameleon
- Pete Hegseth, a news anchor and alleged rapist
Can you even conceive of a less capable team of advisors? Anyhow, they all stood in solidarity behind the imbecile calling himself president as he gave his big boy speech.
Donny offered some reassurance:
"Tonight, I can report to the world that the strikes were a spectacular military success. Iran’s key nuclear enrichment facilities have been completely and totally obliterated."
- DJT, June 2025
No one fucking knows if it were actually a success. The chances are the Supreme Leader was in a group chat where they discussed bombing the shit out of his country.
When other world leaders appear on the world stage, they consistently comport themselves with the dignity the role demands. That just isn't Donny's style. Watching Donny deliver a serious speech to the world is always an exercise in secondhand embarrassment.
Donny is objectively stupid. His vocabulary is limited, he lacks grace and poise and presents himself as such in every interview and press conference he holds. But when he takes to the stage after effectively declaring war, his clumsy delivery and shallow rhetoric become not just embarrassing, but dangerously surreal. Each time, the threshold for acceptable leadership behavior drops a little lower. It's no longer just about incompetence, it's about how much absurdity we're willing to normalize.
Here's how the halfwit ended his ridiculous speech:
"And I want to just thank everybody. And, in particular, God. I want to just say, we love you, God"
What the actual fuck.
Alleged Rapist, Pete Hegseth had his turn at the Podium
Analysis of Operation Midnight Hammer
Authoritarian RiskRationale
While the airstrikes represent a significant military intervention, they do not directly undermine democratic processes within the U.S. However, hints at regime change and lack of clear legislative backing for such an action signal risks pertaining to the consolidation of executive power and potential militarization of foreign policy, which could erode democratic norms in the long term.
Hours after Donny announced the bombing, Fox News anchor–turned–Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth took the podium to deliver his predictably sycophantic, utterly unqualified assessment of the strike.
As has been demonstrated time and again, Pete Hegseth is hopelessly out of his depth. He spent the majority of his speech praising Dear Leader Donny.
"Thanks to President Trump's bold and visionary leadership and his commitment to peace through strength, Iran's nuclear ambitions have been obliterated.
Many presidents have dreamed of delivering the final blow to Iran's nuclear program, and none could, until President Trump. The operation President Trump planned was bold and it was brilliant, showing the world that American deterrence is back. When this President speaks, the world should listen"
- Pete Hegseth, Fox News Anchor, June 2025
🤮. I just can't say it any more plainly, but Fuck Off Pete. This is not the time for a victory lap. No one can state with any confidence what the actual success of the mission was or what the impact was. And let's also be clear, "deterrence" is when you use the threat of possible military action. Not actually doing it.
What we can say, is that Donny and his team of hotshot clowns acted illegally. This is not a strike that should have happened without the consent of Congress. The only thing obliterated here is any pretense of competent governance or functioning democracy.
Next Up: DJ Vancey on the Advice he Gave Donny
Action Analysis: Selection of Senator J.D. Vance as a Running Mate
Assault on Democracy Authoritarian RiskRationale
This action exemplifies the consolidation of power through political appointments that favor loyalty over competence, which undermines the democratic process and could lead to a politicized judiciary and weakening of institutional integrity.
Next up to cram his nose into Donny’s presidential crevices: JD Vance, delivering this slop with a straight face:
"The advice that I’m giving him is ‘Sir, trust your instincts.’ He’s got the best instincts of any president I’ve ever seen, of any political leader that I’ve ever seen. I think that he knows when diplomacy has run its course, and he’ll know when, ultimately, he has to employ the American military to make sure that Iran doesn’t have a nuclear program."
- JD Vance, June 2205
You've fucking changed your tune Vancey. What happened to the "Never Trump guy" you once proclaimed to be?
And come on, no one can take that pile of vomit seriously. What instincts are those? He's a demented despot with the impulse controller of a toddler with ADHD.
Vancey continued:
"I empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then we had dumb presidents". JD Vance, June 2205
Right. Because nothing says statesmanship like casually calling former presidents "dumb" while pledging allegiance to the dumbest man to ever dribble incoherence from behind a podium.
If you can stomach it, watch the sicking interview here: