Donny's Diary

Dear Diary, wow—what a day! I’m going to tell you just how GREAT things are, folks! First, I made a HUGE announcement: we don’t need stupid trade deals! Can you believe it? The markets didn’t like that, but who cares? The Dow dropped, but I say it's just the liberals trying to mess with my genius... Read More

Dear Diary,

What a day, folks, just tremendous! I announced a 100% TARIFF on all foreign movies. That's right—100%! Can you believe it? They’ve been flooding our great country with junk films while our AMERICAN cinema is DYING. Hollywood executives are crying, folks, very sad! But guess wh... Read More

Dear Diary, today was absolutely unbelievable! We're talking about a massive military parade to celebrate my 79th birthday! I mean, WHO DOES THAT? Only the GREATEST, that’s who—me! And all those jealous haters are out there crying about it being authoritarian. News flash: they’re just mad I'm not... Read More

Dear Diary, what a day! First, let’s talk about that economic disaster—everyone’s saying it, and I totally agree, we’re talking about a crash that’s all on Biden. I did some huge tariffs, and WHAM, look what happened! I mean, does this guy even know how to run a lemonade stand? NO! But in Donny’s... Read More

Dear Diary, WOW! What a day! I signed some HUGE executive orders today, folks. We're talking about taking on those snooty colleges and their ridiculous DEI nonsense. Why should they get federal funding if they're NOT following the rules? They'll have to disclose those foreign ties or ELSE! Harvar... Read More